All the boring people in your office who you are forced to pretend have an ounce of fun in them are talking about it. Your dad called you this week and before you could panic that you maxed out another credit card, he started talking about it. Even your dumb roommate with a philosophy degree mentioned something about it. WTF is going with Cuba?
We’re here to spare you the agony of reading through an entire New York Times article. No one has time for that when happy hour is calling your name.
Background: in 1960 we (the U.S.) placed a trade embargo on Cuba after Cuba shadily nationalized some U.S.-owned oil refineries without compensating us. Then, after the whole Cuban Missile Crisis thing (look it up or ask your high school social studies teacher), shit didn't get much better in terms of our relations with them. It's still rocky today—the embargo is still in place, until recently Americans weren't allowed to go there, you can't buy Cuban cigars in the Dominican Republic and bring them back into the U.S. (learned that the hard way). Basically, Cuba is kind of like your estranged ex from high school: like, a bunch of shit went down in the past, you should be over it but you're extremely stubborn and petty so you won't let it go.
Flash forward to this week: basically, Obama decided he was done feuding with Cuba and took a quick flight down on Air Force One to the land of cigars, dictators, and…we’re not really sure what else.
This sounds like a lame version of the spring break trip you just went on, not to mention Beyoncé and Jay Z went to Cuba years ago, so what’s the BFD? Well, a U.S. president hasn’t had official contact with the Cuban government in more than 50 years. That’s much, much, much longer than that time you prided yourself on having “willpower” and not answering your SAB’s texts for an entire week.
This meeting between the U.S. Prez and the Cuban Prez, Raúl Castro, turned out to be way more awkward than any confrontations we’ve ever had to face. They basically shit-talked each other face-to-face. Castro was all like, “Cuba has no political prisoners, fuck off” when asked by a journalist where all the people who disagreed with Cuba’s politics went. And we were all like:
Then Obama got all sweaty and awkward when Cuba’s HBIC pointed out that the U.S. doesn’t provide universal healthcare, education, or equal pay so clearly they suck, too.
This honestly sounds worse than a Regina George v. Cady Heron showdown. Maybe Lindsay Lohan can play Castro in the SNL sketch?
Obama did some serious damage control and said he hopes to see the trade embargo the U.S. still has placed on Cuba lifted. Castro was like, “Bitch, you better; our economy has been the equivalent of Britney Spears circa 2007 since this embargo shit.” In professional, political vocabulary, of course.
We’re sure Obama’s chilling somewhere chain-smoking cigars to recover from that awkward AF encounter and wondering what’s next. The chances of the trade embargo being lifted are not looking too good with the Republicans controlling Congress and refusing to give in on anything Obama does (they probably don’t even let him breathe when he walks on Capitol Hill, TBH).
Next time you feel awkward seeing your ex out at the bar on the weekends, just remember: you could be the President and have to deal with all this shit sober.