WTF Is Up With Groundhog's Day?

By Betch No. 5

So it's Groundhog Day, and the rodent didn't see it's shadow so like, spring is coming in 6 weeks.

For those of you who don't watch the news or rely on actual weather sources and not a fucking beaver, if it's cloudy when the groundhog exits his nest, he won't "see his shadow" and spring will come early. If it's sunny, the damn thing "will see his shadow" and retreat back into its nest, determining that winter will stick around for 6 more weeks.

People in PA gathered at Gobbler's Knob (seriously?) early this morning to watch Punxsutawney Phil step out of his cage.  A representative from the Groundhog Club (yes, it's a thing) proclaimed "There is no shadow to be cast! An early spring is my forecast!"

The "holiday" is observed across the United States in places where there's nothing better to do on a cold February morning.

There's a couple of things wrong with this method of predicting the weather. First, it's a fucking animal, with enough brain function to survive in the wild - you know, eat, sleep, hunt, and reproduce. Second, I'm not saying groundhogs are dumb, per say, but I don't think would know their shadow if they saw it. Finally, how is this an accurate way to determine the weather?

This shit started in the United States in 1887 and has been turned into a celebration day that some people actually tailgate. I mean I guess a groundhog could have enough sense to stick it's head out of it's dwelling and be like "Fuck this, it's too cold, back to sleep," but then again, that's assuming a groundhog has a brain large enough to formulate sentences.




Powered by Disqus




Forgot Your Password?

Create new account

User login