July 29, 2014
One thing Kim Kardashian has never been called is humble. Except for when she was kissing Paris Hilton’s ass and carrying her shopping bags for her pre-Keeping Up With the Kardashians… which wasn't humble, it was just embarrassing. Anyway, Kim Kardashian recently released a new app surprisingly and creatively titled “Kim Kardashian” about her celebrity lifestyle. It's already made like hundreds of millions of dollars, aka a million walls of roses worth of money.
Basically, once downloaded the player has to compete in different scenarios in order to become an A-list celeb. It’s definitely awkward because Kimmy K thinks that everyone's definition of success is having a “momager” and being surrounded by rappers.
The scenarios consist of “modeling” for different magazines basically by using up energy from an energy bar (taking selfies is so hard) and traveling around the world. You move up from D-list to A-list and gain virtual fans. And for those who can't get dates in real life, you can go on virtual dates to virtual restaurants.
Our question is where’s Kanye’s appearance in the game? It’s shocking actually that Yeezus doesn’t show up from the fucking sky as a god-like figure and ride around naked on a motorcycle with Kim. And all we really wanted to see was a computerized North West running around in diaper. Is that too much to ask for? Honestly though it is a pretty betchy move to make an app about your own life and expect millions of people to download it, we’re a little jeally monster that we didn’t think of it.
We’re going to take a wild guess and assume that the people who play this game probably don’t know what Liv Miami actually is, nor could they get on the VIP list. So people can live out their fantasies of being famous for no reason while playing Kim Kardashian’s less curvy sidekick. Because obviously I don't have enough Kim Kardashian in my life.