Dear Betch...

By The Betches

Hey betches, obv tots love the site! But I am in dire need of some advice. About a year ago my SAB decided it would be a good idea to get serious, despite my best efforts to allay his advances into betch-whipped status, he became my bf. Now a year later and he's totally whipped, idk what to do. I kinda wanna do my own thing, but for french sake, I fell in love with the guy. Idk if he's gonna be able to make the kind of cash that is gonna support a fam, but he's a pretty awesome bro. He's still the perfect mesh of SAB and bf material, but I just don't know what to do, should I make myself available and have the time of my life? Or stay with him and let him bring me down? It's also kind of hard because he's the pres of his frat and our relationship is like, famous.


Dear Girl Who Should Read The Second Dear Betch Post Below,

So your only main issue is that he’s poor? Because apparently you love him, you have him whipped, and you two are supposedly the Brangies of your school. Normally we’d say the particular pros outweigh the cons, but since his con is that he’s not actually a Pro, break it off. Not that betches are shallow or anything (haha), but if you were head-over-heels you wouldn’t be emailing, like, a blog for advice.

Good job winning in the relationship.


The Betches


Dear Betch,

Reading the "how to: text like a betch" I started thinking about the etiquette of the 'sign off'. I am unsure about the policy on finishing a message with X's and O's. Because betches have so many people texting them, what is the best way to approach the x/xx/xoxo sign off to the becthes, bros, pros and family in our lives? How do you maintain control and win but still appear that you have a soul? Please clear this up for me!

Love ya,

Nervous betch

Dear Nervous Betch,

If you’re actually THAT nervous about how to sign off on a text, we suggest you see your doctor for some more Xanax. With that said, no one “signs off” a text, except maybe your mother. But even with moms, it gets so fucking annoying when they write Love, Mom in every single message.

Important: the more sign off abbreviations you send to a guy, the less attractive you become. As in, mwah ttyl lyl xoxo. You might as well say, I'm fugly don't text me again. When it comes to a guy, if you want to stop texting, just stop answering.

However, in emails the sign off can say a lot. Use ‘Sincerely’ if you’re trying to be more formal and ‘Thanks’ or ‘Talk Soon’ for the friendlier goodbye. Use 'Best' when you want to sound passive aggressive, like in an email to your sorority's listserv.


The Betches



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