Dear Betch... | Betches

Dear Betch...

By The Betches

Dear Betch,


My bestie and I have a problem. Usually we are too busy driving around in her Lexus, eating sushi and getting drunk to care about men, but we have run into these two that have particularly caught our eye. They are our neighbors and we both are slightly interested in one of them (luckily not the same one otherwise that would be a monstrosity). Being the sexy betches we are they both are interested in us too...only they want the wrong one. The Seth Cohen-esque nerdy hipster that my bestie likes is interested in me (don't know why he has mistaken my obsession with Urban Outfitters for being the "artsy" type) and the blonde gym buff that I'm intrigued by likes her. How do we manipulate these boys to switch their preference without them even realizing what's going on?

Sincerely, Bestie Betches with Different Tastes in Men

Dear Bestie Betches bla bla

Where do you live that you have JUST magically discovered two people in your neighborhood that are your age and both good-looking? Like where did you four stop to chat long enough to recognize who liked who? An excessively long traffic light?

Desperate Housewives plot device aside, you're thinking wayyyy too far ahead. It's like you're planning your double wedding already and this is the prequel to Bride Wars or something. Hang out with these kids first and the switch may happen naturally. You never know, you might find out later that the guy you like has a weird thing, like secretly paints his nails or has adult onset bacne. You'll never be happier that you avoided that inevitably awkward confrontation.

What would be more embarrassing is if one of those guys read this website (because guys secretly do), and then you won't have to worry about who likes who because it will be neither of you.

Sincerely, The Betches

____________________

Dear Betch,

I've been hanging out with this new pro for about 5 months. Our "relationship" progressed slowly at first but for a few months now we've been at the point where we talk every day and hang out at least 2 or 3 times a week. And I have long since given up on not fucking this bro. So basically, it's all perfect except that we have yet to have "the talk."

Are we dating? Is he just my VIP? Overall, I'm definitely winning since he initiates almost all of our texts, conversations and dates but I think I've reached the point now where a relationship with him would be more satisfying than just winning all the time. I'm not worried about him seeing other people because he doesn't have time for that between his career and hanging out with me. I just need to know that I'm not wasting my time on this guy, as fun as it is, only to find out later that he's just another SAB.

I know he likes me, so the question is: why won't he make it "official"? And yes, I've seen "He's Just Not That Into You." But I'm coming to you as fellow betches because I need advice from at least one more pop culture authority before I make this critical life decision. So help me out here... do I let things continue as they are? Do I initiate "the talk" myself (minus 50 points, obvs... showing vulnerability is a betch's worst nightmare)? Or do I just end things and convince myself I'm over it?

Help!

Dear Help!

If you've been hooking up with a guy for five months and he's not your #18 fuck buddy, he should be calling you his girlfriend by now...especially if he's taking you on dates and seeing you at least three times a week. Assuming you're not the #70 delusional dater, it's weird that he hasn't made that official since if a guy wants to make sure you're not fucking anyone else, it's really fucking easy to smack a label on you.

Our advice to you is to just fucking ask him. You have nothing to lose and a betch doesn't waste her time on a bro who's dragging his fucking feet. If he's not trying to date you better to know now and move on then find out in two weeks that he's fucking someone else and it's technically 'okay' since he never said you were official. Chances are he doesn't want to be your boyfriend or he would've said something earlier and you'd know it. But hey, miracles happen, maybe he's just waiting for you to lose five pounds.

Sincerely,

The Betches

 

 

Next Dear Betch... >>

Dear Betch,

My bestie and I have a problem. Usually we are too busy driving around in her Lexus, eating sushi and getting drunk to care about men, but we have run into these two that have particularly caught our eye. They are our neighbors and we both are slightly interested in one of them (luckily not the same one otherwise that would be a monstrosity). Being the sexy betches we are they both are interested in us too...only they want the wrong one. The Seth Cohen-esque nerdy hipster that my bestie likes is interested in me (don't know why he has mistaken my obsession with Urban Outfitters for being the "artsy" type) and the blonde gym buff that I'm intrigued by likes her. How do we manipulate these boys to switch their preference without them even realizing what's going on?

Sincerely, Bestie Betches with Different Tastes in Men

Dear Bestie Betches bla bla

Where do you live that you have JUST magically discovered two people in your neighborhood that are your age and both good-looking? Like where did you four stop to chat long enough to recognize who liked who? An excessively long traffic light?

Desperate Housewives plot device aside, you're thinking wayyyy too far ahead. It's like you're planning your double wedding already and this is the prequel to Bride Wars or something. Hang out with these kids first and the switch may happen naturally. You never know, you might find out later that the guy you like has a weird thing, like secretly paints his nails or has adult onset bacne. You'll never be happier that you avoided that inevitably awkward confrontation.

What would be more embarrassing is if one of those guys read this website (because guys secretly do), and then you won't have to worry about who likes who because it will be neither of you.

Sincerely, The Betches

____________________

Dear Betch,

I've been hanging out with this new pro for about 5 months. Our "relationship" progressed slowly at first but for a few months now we've been at the point where we talk every day and hang out at least 2 or 3 times a week. And I have long since given up on not fucking this bro. So basically, it's all perfect except that we have yet to have "the talk."

Are we dating? Is he just my VIP? Overall, I'm definitely winning since he initiates almost all of our texts, conversations and dates but I think I've reached the point now where a relationship with him would be more satisfying than just winning all the time. I'm not worried about him seeing other people because he doesn't have time for that between his career and hanging out with me. I just need to know that I'm not wasting my time on this guy, as fun as it is, only to find out later that he's just another SAB.

I know he likes me, so the question is: why won't he make it "official"? And yes, I've seen "He's Just Not That Into You." But I'm coming to you as fellow betches because I need advice from at least one more pop culture authority before I make this critical life decision. So help me out here... do I let things continue as they are? Do I initiate "the talk" myself (minus 50 points, obvs... showing vulnerability is a betch's worst nightmare)? Or do I just end things and convince myself I'm over it?

Help!

Dear Help!

If you've been hooking up with a guy for five months and he's not your #18 fuck buddy, he should be calling you his girlfriend by now...especially if he's taking you on dates and seeing you at least three times a week. Assuming you're not the #70 delusional dater, it's weird that he hasn't made that official since if a guy wants to make sure you're not fucking anyone else, it's really fucking easy to smack a label on you.

Our advice to you is to just fucking ask him. You have nothing to lose and a betch doesn't waste her time on a bro who's dragging his fucking feet. If he's not trying to date you better to know now and move on then find out in two weeks that he's fucking someone else and it's technically 'okay' since he never said you were official. Chances are he doesn't want to be your boyfriend or he would've said something earlier and you'd know it. But hey, miracles happen, maybe he's just waiting for you to lose five pounds.

Sincerely,

The Betches

 

 

Next Dear Betch... >>




hand_icon

LET IT OUT, HONEY

small_arrow

Powered by Spot.IM

Forgot Your Password?

Create new account

User login