Dear Betch...

By The Betches

Dear Betches,

Ever since I arrived at college, even before, I've been talking to this bro and hooking up with him. Everyone knows that we WERE talking. This slutty broad who steals everyone's men hooked up with mine. I found out this happened 3 fucking weeks ago and I went to her dorm, climbed in her bunk, got in her face, and made her cry.

I then proceeded to threaten her if I ever see her on campus, I'd curb stomp her. Do hot betches fight? Because I'd love to drop this mother fucker.


Boxing Betch

Dear Boxing Betch,

It's one thing to be a #7 Bat Shit Crazy Betch, but it's quite another to be certifiable. If this bro was that into you, you wouldn't be in this situation because he wouldn't be hooking up with this 'slutty broad'. No one can steal a guy that doesn't want to be stolen and by physically threatening her, you seem like a psychopathic nut job, not a betch who doesn't give a shit.

Our advice to you is to find yourself a therapist, leave this nice slut alone, and stop climbing into girls' beds. No one wants to be friends with that girl, you fucking lunatic.


The Betches

---------------------------------------------------------- Dear Lead Betches,

My bro has cheated twice with the same tiny ass, short, asian girl and those seem to be his type. I'm tall with tan skin...a typical betch. There's a party coming up for halloween, I want to get his attention even more than I already do, and win. Not for him, but because I hate this asian bitch that I know I'm hotter than. She has like no boobs... gross. And she eats but is still tiny, that like doesn't count.

xxo Attention Hogging Betch

Dear Attention Hogging Betch,

Always beware of the John Lennonesque bros who prefer the Yoko Ono types. They're usually tall, fair skinned, and moderately hipster though this is not always the case. More on the token Asian betch later this week.

Obviously, the only way to get his attention is to ignore him and look amazing. Make sure your costume is slutty enough that everyone can see how amazing your body is but not so slutty that it looks like you're trying too hard. Remember, to the rest of the world it should appear as if you've moved on if you haven't already.

Once a cheater always a cheater. And you said he did it TWICE!? The Asians haven't witnessed such a victory since the fucking Tang Dynasty. Fool a betch once, shame on you...fool her twice she's not a fucking betch because she has no shame. Accidentally spill a drink on this bitch and call it a day.

Happy fucking Halloween,

The Betches



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