You Can All Now Watch Katy Perry Fall Off a Segway

By Jane Duh

And now for a sentence that contains more ridiculousness per-word than any other sentence ever written in English (idk about other languages) ---- Katy Perry Instagrammed a video of herself falling off a Segway at Burning Man this week.



����obvious first time burner alert����

A video posted by KATY PERRY (@katyperry) on


Let’s break down all the parts of this that are silly AF:

  1. “Katy Perry” -- easily the silliest pop star. That’s not meant to be shade. It’s just a fact. Bitch is silly as hell. Remember those sharks?
  2. “Instagram” --- Actually, I take this one back. Instagram isn’t silly. Instagram is fucking serious. But like, old people would probably say it is silly (and that’s why they’ll die soon.)
  3. “Falling Down” --- Always funny. Always. Even if someone is hurt.
  4. “a Segway” --- The vehicle of choice for mall cops in my hometown and former Vice President Dick Cheney, the Segway is easily the silliest mode of transportation. In fact, getting around in anything but an Uber is a fucking joke.
  5. “Burning Man” --- so for those of you who don’t know, Burning Man is an annual hot-as-fuck nightmare festival where hippies go to get covered in dust. They dance in the dust, fuck in the dust, take dusty ass drugs, and light a giant dust covered dude on fire. Don’t believe me? take a look at the actual vid below and after you’re laughing your ass off at things 1-4, take a moment to notice how fucking dusty it is over there. No thanks, Burning Man, I’ll stick to Gov Ball.




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