May 12, 2015
Nine times out of ten, when some ornery old person tries to pull me aside to harp on how millennials are eroding the foundations of civilization as we know it, I just roll my eyes and pass the prune juice. This, however, is the one time I will actually agree that holy fuck, millennials can be literally the worst: apparently, there's a service where you can now pay someone to break up with your S.O. via text, handwritten letter (lol, what?) or voicemail. I totally get that, confrontation is like, so awkward, God forbid I have to actually write and send my own breakup text.
The service, aptly named "Sorry It's Over," is enabling people everywhere to be shittier than I previously thought was humanly possible, and for only a few dollars! Seriously, this has got to be the lowest form of breakup to ever be invented. Like, it's not bad enough that you didn't have the decency or the balls to end a relationship in person, so to add insult to injury you're sending someone else to do your bidding? And it's a complete stranger? Holy Silly Bandz, Batman! This is some Middle School shit if I've ever seen it.
Just to get an idea of what your money can get you, here's a copy of one such breakup email from Sorry It's Over:
Not to be that guy (but I'm about to be that guy), but you couldn't even proofread the fucking breakup letter? Or maybe that's a calculated effort on the part of Sorry It's Over to help the dumpee get over the breakup. Maybe it's supposed to make them think like, "I may have been dumped but at least I know how to use the possessive form of its correctly. Take that." Probably not, but it's fun to entertain the idea that the creator of this service is an idiotic genius as opposed to just an idiot.
Thankfully Sorry It's Over is only available in Australia, so there is a 0% chance I'm at risk for actually getting one of these bullshit emails, but that doesn't mean I'm not going to bitch about how shitty the whole idea is anyway.