You Guide To Working From Home

By Sgt. Olivia Betchson

As we’ve already established, working from home is the dream for betches. You don’t have to commute (therefore saving everybody on the road from your idiotic driving), you don’t have to deal with Kevin trying to talk to you at the water cooler (do real offices have water coolers, or is that just a myth?), and the Starbucks baristas will never make you late or like, give you hot coffee.

When you work from home, you should wake up no more than fifteen minutes before any of your deadlines. Anything more than that and you’re just TTH, and if you’re lucky enough to work for a company that lets you work from home, they know that they’re basically paying you to sleep in and never put on pants. RIP pants.

Since you don’t have to see anyone (my condolences if your boss makes you do Skype meetings or some shit), you also don’t need to shower beforehand, and make up will soon be a thing of the past. Serious question, can you develop muscle memory for putting on liquid eyeliner? Cause if not I’m totally fucked next time I get ready to go out.

Another pro: when you work from home, you basically never have to plan. You don’t have to plan your outfit the night before, you don’t have to do your laundry to make sure you have underwear, and you don’t have to go food shopping or pack a lunch to bring with you (ew). I’m pretty sure ordering Seamless to the office is frowned upon, but who GAF when your home is your office? Eating salmon avocado rolls in your underwear on the couch, so betchy.

Overall the #1 betchiest thing about working from home is that you don’t have to work that hard to hide the fact that you’re not doing work. Like, in the office you’d spend 5 hours online shopping and switching browsers every time one of your coworkers or your boss walks by. That means you have to be constantly on your game and looking over your shoulder (literally) like you’re Robert Durst or some shit. At home you can just blatantly online shop and no one’s going to snitch on you. This is where one of the few cons of WFH comes in: your wallet is going to shrink faster than Giuliana Rancic’s body mass. Also you might get fat. As much as we like to tell ourselves otherwise, sushi can make you fat.

The only other downside is that eventually you’re going to start craving human interaction (I know right, who’d have thought you’d actually miss people?). But like you can’t just be by yourself all day with just a computer screen to keep you company and expect to stay sane, if you don’t go into the office or at least like a coffee shop sometimes pretty soon you’ll start throwing $10,000 at people just so they’ll stay and play cards with you for another hour. Breaking Bad, never forget. Bitch.




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