What The *Actual* Fuck Is In Jordan’s Chicken Smoothie On ‘Love Is Blind’?

There’s a lot to be horrified by in Season 9 of Love Is Blind. There’s whatever was happening with Joe in Baja (and the Olympic-level gaslighting he unleashed on poor Madison). There’s whatever went down between Kacie and Patrrick after the pods—team #GiveBackTheRing forever.

But then… there’s the real nightmare. I can excuse bad extensions, but I draw the line at a chicken smoothie.

Yep, Jordan Keltner, this one’s for you and the abomination you created in your blender. Dr. Frankenstein caused less horror in his lab. You owe NutriBullet, the gym bro community, and your fiancée a formal apology—and maybe a restraining order from poultry.

So let’s unpack the great Protein Debacle of 2025: what he made Megan drink, how it all went so wrong, and, frankly, anything to distract us from that cursed smoothie.

What Was In Jordan’s Chicken Smoothie?

In Episode 9 of Love Is Blind Season 9, Jordan decided to share the skeletons in his closet with fiancée Megan Walerius… or, I guess, the soup in his blender.

As a self-proclaimed gym bro and busy single dad, Jordan fuels up with what he calls his special protein smoothie: eight ounces of baked chicken breast blended with a lemonade Crystal Light packet. Yes, you read that right.

“That is so fucking gross,” Megan says immediately after taking a sip. Honestly? Braver than the troops.

Jordan first confessed his chicken-smoothie habit in a cast bio on Netflix’s Tudum, admitting, “I know it’s gross, but I’m just trying to get my protein in.”

When the internet inevitably lost its mind, Jordan doubled down in an interview with Entertainment Weekly, saying, “It’s a TikTok brain rot. I saw it and thought, ‘That seems easy,’ and now I do it every day. It’s very efficient.” Efficient, yes. Normal? No.

As for the lemonade part, he insists it’s more logical than it sounds — which, spoiler, it’s not.

“You got to think like, you got a zesty lemon chicken, that’s good,” Jordan explains. “But you don’t put grape on chicken, right? So doing like a grape flavor I don’t think would be good, or like a watermelon. You need something very acidic. So I just do lemon — it works good for me, and that’s what I’m going to stick with. If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it, for sure.”

Sure, Jan. Because when I think “zesty lemon chicken,” I definitely picture Crystal Light in a blender.

Is Jordan’s Chicken Smoothie Actually Healthy?

Defending his controversial blender experiment, Jordan claims it packs 350 calories and 55 grams of protein, and, naturally, flexes his muscles for effect. Megan points out he could’ve just eaten six eggs instead, but Jordan insists the smoothie is “way quicker.” Uh-huh, sure.

We checked in with Helena Barham-Coppola, nutritionist and founder of Nourish and Be, to get the real tea on Jordan’s post-gym drink.

“Crystal Light contains a rather long list of ingredients, including additives and artificial sweeteners that I certainly wouldn’t recommend to my clients,” she explains. “Yes, it might have electrolytes—another buzzword slapped on ultra-processed foods to make them sound healthy—but no, I do not consider this a healthy drink. Even with the blended chicken.”

She also added, as a former chef, that the whole thing had her cringing. Same, bestie.

So what would she recommend instead? A literal balanced meal. “As a general rule: aim for 50% of your plate to be vegetables, 30% protein, and 20% complex carbs,” Barham-Coppola says. “Getting protein from actual chicken gives you a good balance of amino acids, and I’d honestly rather a client blend their chicken than rely on protein powders loaded with artificial colours, sweeteners, and additives—the things I do not want in food.”

(Dear Jordan: still not a reason to drink that mush, okay?)

What Is Up With The Protein Obsession?

Everywhere you look, someone’s telling you to get more protein. Some TikTokers are straight-up recommending 200g—or even 300g—of protein a day?! What is going up? We went from oat milk connoisseurs to cogs in the Big Protein Machine. Suddenly, my avo toast is getting side-eye while people are chugging buckets of yogurt like it’s an Olympic sport.

I asked Helena Barham-Coppola about this extreme protein push and whether it’s actually necessary to eat 200g a day. Spoiler: it’s not.

“Are we taking our need for protein a little too far? Yes, I think so,” she says. “Especially when it’s being shoved into powders, snack bars, cereals… Protein is essential for satiety and other functions, but metabolism of protein produces acidic byproducts like urea and ammonia. In normal amounts, that’s fine, but too much can stress the kidneys and affect the body’s acid-base balance, potentially causing inflammation. It’s important to balance acidifying foods (protein) with alkalising foods, like leafy greens.”

Translation: yes, protein is important, but no, you do not need to turn your body into a meat-and-protein powder processing plant.