It’s official, clean girl aesthetic is out, and mob wife era is in. In 2024, I don’t want to see your preppy blazers or neutral colored outfits, and get out of here with your slicked back buns that make you look like a wannabe ballerina. We’re embracing bold glamour looks this season. I’m talking big hair, cheetah print (excuse me, *chedda* print), and fur coats. (And before PETA comes at me, vintage furs don’t count because it’s technically sustainable!!!)
In an effort to help guide your style judgement, I’ve ranked the mob wives’ outfits. From Adriana La Cerva (The Sopranos) and Karen Hill (Goodfellas) to Elvira Hancock (Scarface), no one will escape my wrath. Fingers crossed I don’t find a horse head in my bed tonight. Because if we learned anything from these women, these looks can most definitely kill.
11. Kay Corleone’s Red Dress (The Godfather)
This hat alone makes it clear Kay Corleone was not about that life. What is this?! This isn’t the goddamn Notebook. I hope suffering through that shitty relationship with Michael was worth it for last place.
10. Mia Wallace’s Basic Fit (Pulp Fiction)
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Don’t argue with me!! Mia Wallace is technically a mob wife and therefore has every right to be judged. Unfortunately the only thing that reminds you of that fact is the gold Chanel slippers and they’re not even pictured here. Sorry, basics just aren’t gonna cut it, Mia. Take your capsule wardrobe and get the fuck out!
9. Karen Hill’s 60’s Look (Goodfellas)
Karen goes on a wild journey throughout the span of Scorsese’s long fucking film. And while her expensive taste finally proves she’s worthy of the mob wife title, her matching pink trousers and knitted cardigan is not it. The ’60s outfit is giving, “I’ll find it at TJ Maxx.” And if I know anything about mob wives they are not Maxxinistas. Do better, Karen.
8. Ginger’s Cocktail Dress (Casino)
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Oh, I’m sorry, are we going to the homecoming dance? No, we’re hustling men, Ginger. Stick to the goddamn script. We’re going for femme fatale, and right now the only thing you’re killing is my faith in your good taste.
7. Ginny Sacrimoni’s Tracksuit (Sopranos)
The big hair! The nails!! The velvet tracksuit!!! Ginny knew what she was doing from the very beginning. Too bad track suits aren’t trending, so get your Juicy Couture-ass out of here.
6. Connie Corleone’s Fur Shrug (The Godfather)
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Connie was a spoiled brat (she had a goddamn pony as a kid), but she knew how to rock a fur shrug and big-ass statement necklace. I mean, only bad bitches abandon their children after spiraling from the grief of their abusive dead husband. Let her have this!
5. Elvira Hancock’s Blue Slip Dress (Scarface)
Michelle Pfeiffer as Elvira Hancock in Scarface is undeniably gorgeous. The deep cut of her blue slip dress was considered scandalous for its time and certainly drew attention. But as far as the mob wife aesthetics goes, I’m bored. Where is the animal print? Where’s the drama? 5th place.
4. Adriana La Cerva’s Tiger Print Catsuit (Sopranos)
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Adriana La Cerva had so many iconic looks throughout The Sopranos, but this one-piece stands out. It’s garish yet glamorous, and it’s so fucking New Jersey. Unfortunately, it’s giving Halloween costume.
3. Elvira Hancock’s Skirt Suit (Scarface)
Scarface’s wife did not come to play so I had to include her twice. This skirt suit went so fucking hard. Also, the white monochrome outfit matches perfectly with her cocaine addiction. ✨
2. Miss Piggy (The Muppets)
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I’m dead serious. Miss Piggy invented the mob wife aesthetic, and no, I’m not explaining myself. The only reason she isn’t number one on this list is because she made the absolute valid choice not to actually marry a mob boss.
1. Carmela Soprano (Sopranos)
The 24 carat diamond tennis necklace is just the starting point. From the French tip acrylic nails to coiffed blonde hair, Carmela is who the girlies want to be in 2024. Congrats on being number one, betch.