As Daniel Craig famously once said: Ladies and gentlemen, it’s the weekend. Time to stop pretending you’re working and get ready for a night out that you will hopefully not remember. That is, if you don’t cancel again (👀). Sure, putting on a pump-up playlist might help get you psyched for the night ahead, but only you can truly convince yourself that going out is worth it for the plot. Sometimes you gotta be your own hype woman. (Think, Issa Rae’s reflection pep talk in Insecure.) So, here are some pretty convincing motivational chants to try this weekend because if you cancel again you may or may not die alone. (No pressure.)
- “If I socialize tonight I have a full 48 hours to bed rot before Monday.”
- “You’re not going to meet anyone sitting at home!” – My mom
- “If Taylor Swift can go to Tokyo and Las Vegas in one weekend, I can meet my friend for a glass of wine.”
- “This could be the night I pull a full 13 Going On 30 dance sequence that will win me the love and affection of my longtime crush.”
- “If I eat girl dinner and binge watch Friends one more time I’ll be at risk for scurvy.”
- “You haven’t had a new selfie since 2019. Stand up!”
- “The next episode of the Bachelor isn’t even on until Monday.”
- “To live is to suffer.” – Friedrich Nietzsche
- “What do I pay taxes for, if not to ride public transportation completely wasted?”
- “Take a thousand [drunk selfies] of yourself now. You may currently think, ‘Oh, I’m too spooky. Or, ‘Nobody wants to see these tiny boobies.’ But, believe me, one day you will look at those photos with much kinder eyes and say, ‘Dear God, I was a beautiful thing!’ – an almost direct quote from Moira Rose
- “Your long distance bestie deserves something fun to debrief in the next podcast-length voice memo you send her.”
- “Do it for the group chat!”
- “When else will I get to wear my day-to-night outfit?”
- “It would be a good excuse to shower for the first time in days.”
- “This might be the night you find the love of your life.” (Hahahah JK! But you could find a tech guy named Zach who isn’t terrible at going down on you.)
- “People can do hard things.”
Melanie Whyte