An Ode To Summer’s ~Coolest~ Must-Have Accessory: The Insulated Martini Glass

If I had it my way, maintaining a vacation mindset would be a 24/7 priority, but alas late-stage capitalism and the dishes that keep magically reappearing in my sink around the clock simply won’t allow it. Therefore, I have made it my goal to assemble the tricks and tools to make the little moments feel like big ones, even if I’m not sitting first class on a flight headed off to France. Enter, new love of my life: the insulated martini glass. It’s extremely mom-coded and the opposite of quiet luxury, which is somehow exactly what makes it dangerously brat approved and mindfully cutsie all at the same damn time.

How did I come upon this brilliant solstice discovery? To be fair, I didn’t. My friend’s fake aunt (the best kind of aunt TBH) rocked up to the 4th of July barbecue with a bunch of matching ORCA Tini 13oz Stainless Steel Martini Glasses and poof! My life was forever changed for the better. I wish I was exaggerating but the moment I got that bubblegum pink adult sippy cup in my hands, and it became all of our personalities for the weekend I never looked back. After a summer of fun with my new stainless steel bestie, it’s time to proudly sing an ode to the best insulated martini glass for summer that’ll, unfortunately, make you want one too. Just in time to soak in the last weeks of summer!

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Why are insulated martini glasses popular?

You see these women? They are having the forever young time of their lives, making up brilliant new vernacular (“cattail!”) that will be in the dictionary any day now, and most importantly are enjoying an ice-cold, backyard-safe cocky without a care about spillage in the world. While I’m all for antique glassware at a sexy dinner party, I’m also clumsy AF and cannot be trusted with anything breakable outside.

Also, a lot of venues for concerts and outdoor events won’t let you bring in glass even when picnic-style eating is permitted, for safety reasons. That’s why chic lady boomers who are practical but want to get their freak on have gotten wise to the convenient and efficient functionality of an insulated martini glass. We the younger generation would be doing ourselves a disservice by not matching their freak with these travel-friendly tumblers that put the cunt in container. You heard it here first: friendship bracelets are a little bit tired. Matching martini glasses with your best friends and the women who raised you are so in.

An honest review of the Orca Tini insulated martini glass

ORCA Tini 13oz Stainless Steel Martini Glass

$29.95

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As mentioned, I had no previous affinity for this product, brand, or frankly even knowledge of its existence. But upon using the Orca Tini, I fell in love with what it has to offer. The stainless steel keeps drinks cold and ice frosty for a very long time (I didn’t time it but however long it takes to eat a million hot dogs while singing every top 40 song from 2010-2016 is a very fair and scientific metric to keep in mind).

It also has a lid which is fantastic for roaming about the cabin while said top 40 music playing, walking down the beach or the dock by the bay, and transporting drinks from one location to another with everything intact. The one limitation to keep in mind is that you may have to wash your glass a few times to get the taste of an especially potent beverage out of the steel. As someone who loves rose with a splash of tequila and sliced jalapenos, maybe that’s a me problem.