Is Matching Your S.O.’s Closet Cute Or Toxic? A Necessary Pre-Cuffing Season Investigation
Though I don’t have the endurance to be one of them, there’s nothing I love more than a certified lover girl. There’s something so endearing about watching a woman in her Carrie Bradshaw era run-walk across city crosswalks to chase after her Big, even if you can’t help but fear it might end up in tears. There’s a big difference between a lover girl and a low-key love addict, which is how some people might categorize both Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck. A lover girl is just a sweetie pie who dives head first in love with her heart on their sleeve, and sometimes that sleeve is part of a shirt she bought specifically to match her boo.
Take Bella Hadid, for example. While she’s always been an undercover horse girl, her new relationship with professional cowboy Adan Banuelos coincidentally ushered in a major country couture moment that the internet is eating TF up (mostly because she’s glowing with happiness). But what would a psychotherapist have to say about switching up your look because of a blossoming relationship? Relationship expert Dr. Jeannelle Perkins, LMFT-S, spoke with Betches about why couples tend to get all matchy-matchy. Let’s investigate some ~case studies~ and the pros and cons of matching your partner’s style.
Bella Hadid’s Style Evolution Over The Years: A Case Study
Bella Hadid is a lot of things: the survivor of an extreme almond mom, the quintessential younger sister, and a recipient of some of the best work in the business. But she’s also a chameleon when it comes to her boyfriends.
It started with her infamous relationship with The Weeknd, who Bella dated for over a year beginning in 2015. After seeing the fevered nightmare that was The Idol, visualizing the deepest corners of Abel’s mind is a bit of a frightening task, but one that makes Bella’s transformation into an all-black street-style queen make sense.
In 2020, she entered her next long-term relationship with art director Marc Kalman. Naturally, this ushered in Bella’s edgy arthouse era, like Lady Gaga moving from The Fame to Born This Way. It gave cool girl, it gave Matrix, it gave “my boyfriend has a buzz cut and tiny sunglasses.”
And now, Adan. As mentioned, Bella and the Hadid family have always been farm-friendly since Yolanda instilled a love for animals (and a clean car) in her kiddos. But Bella’s equestrian exploration has inextricably merged with her new romance, and just like everything in Texas, this fashion moment feels bigger. Adan Banuelos is a horseman, rodeo rider, and cutting champion whose mentoring of Bella has visibly extended outside the reigning arena. Cowboy hats, turquoise jewelry, and suede fringe are new staples of her vibe.
This makes the question all the more pertinent: is Bella simply flipping the script by making the men in her life her muse, or does she consistently let love goggles manhandle her wardrobe in a way we should be wary of in our dating lives?
But, alas, Bella is not alone!
Celebs And Fictional Characters Who Have Famously Morphed Into Their S.O.
Exhibit A: Kim And Kourtney Kardashian
No one simps harder than a Kardashian sister for their baby daddy. Kim and Kanye’s relationship was a train wreck in more ways than one. Still, his monochromatic fashion influence revolutionized her brand in a way that Kim K has managed to make major money off of. Meanwhile, Kourtney has borderline made every day feel like Halloween with her commitment to the rocker look since she locked in with Blink 182 drummer Travis Barker.
Exhibit B: Sandy From Grease
Sandra Dee electrified her wardrobe after graduation from Rydell High in order to show her love for Danny Zucko. Were the leather and curls the opposite of the cardigan-loving good girl who got ill from just one cigarette? Absolutely but you can’t say it wasn’t a major slay.
Exhibit C: Cassie From Euphoria
Apologies for talking about a Sam Levinson joint twice in one article. I’ll make it quick. Cassie freakishly morphed herself into a girl Nate would like — AKA best friend Maddy (which is twisted on multiple levels). No one getting up at 4 a.m. to dry scrub can convince me they’ve “never, ever been happier.”
Exhibit D: Ariana Grande
Does this even need explaining? Ricky = e-girl. Big Sean = pop diva. Mac Miller = finger tats. Pete Davidson = baggy hoodies. Dalton the realtor = basic betch. The Ethan Slater new regime is currently too unpictured for fashion fact-finding.
Exhibit E: Brad Pitt
Had to give an honorable mention to the man who never had a girlfriend who didn’t inspire his current hairstyle.
Is it bad to change your style for your lover?
Apparently there are multiple reasons you might start stealing from your S.O.’s closet (or vice versa). “Couples dressing alike can be influenced by their attachment styles, reflecting emotional connection, validation, or dependency,” Dr. Jeanelle explains. Securely attached couples may lean into the natural human instinct to belong “due to shared tastes and mutual understanding.”
Research shows this conformity can happen subconsciously, as early as six months into a relationship, and happens with coworkers and social groups. Showing the world you’re part of a pack also conveniently doubles as subliminal branding for celebrities.
So, if coordinating OOTDs can be innocuous and fun, how do you know when things might be leading to unhealthy patterns? “Dressing alike can become concerning when it signals deeper issues, such as identity loss or control dynamics,” Dr. Jeanelle notes. For example, my anxiously attached baddies “may adopt their partner’s style to seek closeness or reassurance.”
If you start looking at pictures from a few months ago and miss the girlie pop you see, ask yourself why. “If one partner feels pressured to conform to the other’s style or fears rejection by not doing so, it may point to a lack of autonomy,” Dr. Jeanelle says. Any partner worth having will like you for you, whether you’re their mirror image or polar opposite.
With that sage wisdom in mind, if you get pleasure out of dressing like a unified front then party on. But if manipulating your style has started to feel like a “coping mechanism for insecurity, fear of abandonment, or difficulty in setting boundaries,” this could over time “lead to emotional distress, dissatisfaction, or a gradual erosion of personal identity.” Plus, who has the funds to reinvent themselves every time they find a new crush? Bella Hadid ain’t sharing her bank account, babe.
Topics: Bella Hadid, Celebrity Fashion, Fashion, Lifestyle, Relationships, Style
Marissa Dow