PSA: It’s Thanksgiving Not Bangsgiving — Don’t Hook Up With Your Ex During The Holidays

Ah, Thanksgiving — a time to eat delicious food and celebrate all of the things you’re grateful for in this life surrounded by the people you love. Notice how there was no mention of fucking your ex? That’s because that’s not what the holidays are about, so get it together. If you have a friend who notoriously uses “Happy Thanksgiving” texts to backslide all the way into their ex’s beds, send this to them. You’ll thank me later.

Listen, I understand how the holidays make people feel. You’re sitting around a group of people you really love but still want to run away from because they keep asking you why you’re single, and anytime you open up your phone to drown them out, you see a sea of random people you still have on Instagram for some reason post pictures of their partners with captions about “being grateful for loving you,” and it’s enough to make you want to throw your phone across the room. Being single around the holidays is tough, and you, like the turkey, deserve to be stuffed.

But just because you’re in your hometown and you know that with a simple “Happy Thanksgiving” text, you could have your ex in missionary position in your childhood bedroom does not mean that you should.

As someone who has spun the block multiple times with exes, I have to let you know that it’s never a good idea. Sure, everything feels all warm and snuggly during the holiday season but you know what else is warm? The flames of hell where your ex belongs.

It’s easy to fall into the trap of feeling nostalgic around Thanksgiving. Maybe you and your ex shared a really sweet Thanksgiving a few years back, or maybe being back in your hometown brings up a lot of good memories that you two shared. And hey, calories on holidays don’t count, so sex shouldn’t either, right? Wrong.

People often like to use holidays and your birthday to weasel their way back into your life. But remember that one holiday greeting doesn’t make up for whatever emotional damage your ex most likely caused you.

If you’re really in the mood to be gobbled up this Thanksgiving, your best plan of action is honestly hopping on one of the dating apps and safely hooking up with a stranger — or at least a friend of a friend who you have no history with! Because I’ll tell you right now, choosing to go back to an ex just because it’s convenient will have you regretting the decision for a while — probably until next Thanksgiving.