How To Keep The Intimacy Alive In Your LDR Without Spending All Your Money On Flights

If you’re like me and hope you find the one man who’s cool with being married to someone who doesn’t live with them, long-distance relationships sound like a great idea. But if you’re normal and enjoy having partners in your space (and on the same continent), LDRs can really suck sometimes.

While I’m sure it’s really nice knowing that there’s someone out there you love who cares about you enough to want to be with you from thousands of miles away, LDRs also come with their own challenges. Trying to stay connected to your partner despite not getting to see them as much as you like can almost feel heartbreaking at times. But doing long distance doesn’t have to feel like an uphill battle. By implementing little things into your daily routine and interactions with your partner, you can find ways for you and your long-distance boo to maintain the feeling of closeness.

And no, I’m not going to give you the regular mumbo-jumbo about planning virtual date nights (even though they can be super cute). Here are some actually creative ways to stay intimate in long-distance relationships.

Create a morning and/or night routine

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When it comes to LDRs, making your partner part of your daily routine is key. But take a second before you cue up those “good morning, beautiful” texts. Do you two want to start your days together? Or maybe end your nights together? Both? Set up some sort of routine where you two promise to touch base, whether it’s a text exchange or a phone call, so that even if you’re swept up in the busyness of the day, you feel connected.

Keep the sex up

Fuck often. Yes, even from a distance. Have as much virtual sex as you would in-person sex. How often would you get it on if you and your partner weren’t long-distance? Once a week? Twice a week? Everyday? Cool, try and have that much virtual sex. Don’t let the distance stop you from “business as usual.” If you two are totally horny for each other, then a couple hundred miles shouldn’t change that. Try sexting each other whenever you’re in the mood or having some quality Facetime sex.

Send videos of you getting dressed/undressed

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Okay, this may seem weird, but stay with me for a moment. One of my favorite things post-sex (with someone I’m actually into) is watching them getting dressed or undressed. Something about it is so sexy and also just so intimate and sweet. In the same way that you’d send random nudes throughout the week, try throwing in some videos of you while you’re dressing and undressing at the beginning and end of your day. Not only is it ammo for some great phone sex later, but it also creates a feeling of closeness.

Have a weekly ritual

One of my girlfriends is in an LDR, and her man sends flowers every Friday. Now, I know we can’t all be God’s favorites, but remember what they say: it’s the thought that counts. If sending flowers every week doesn’t feel realistic for you and your partner, you can still make a ritual out of some sort of weekly exchange. Maybe you send each other your favorite articles you read every weekend or send each other money for coffee on Monday mornings — because sometimes, nothing says “I love you” like providing caffeine at the beginning of a week.

Keep visits and vacations separate

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You need a game plan for visits when you’re in an LDR. It should basically be a balancing act of at-home visits versus vacations (and, of course, this depends on how often you get to even see your boo). If you spend too much time visiting each other at home, you miss out on the chance to make cute travel memories together. And on the other hand, if you’re always traipsing around the world, you’re missing out on the intimacy of just cuddling up on the couch together at home.

Don’t text all day

Bombarding your partner with every single thought that crosses your mind may seem like the ultimate display of closeness, but what you’re really doing is just burning through conversation topics, and more importantly, robbing yourselves of the feeling of actually missing each other.

So, you had a genius thought while chowing down on your morning cereal and just need to tell your boo? Don’t panic; write it down in your Notes app and save it for a later conversation. Instead of peppering your day with sporadic texts that leave you feeling meh, why not save up those gems for a killer conversation at the end of the day or week?

Bottom line? Less texting, more quality convo time. Your relationship will thank you later.