Featured Image Credit: HBO
Topics: Dating, Relationships
Syeda Khaula Saad
Dictionary.com defines a “situationship” as “a relationship that is more than friendship but less than a committed relationship.” Do you know how this betch defines a situationship? A waste of your fucking time.
Don’t get me wrong, at its surface, a situationship sounds like a lot of fun. You get to have casual sex and spend a lot of time with someone you’re good friends with, all without the pressures of a relationship. But how much fun is being ridiculously intimate with someone, physically and emotionally, without clear boundaries or direction? Now, before all you pro-hookup and pro-FWB people come for me in the comments, let’s break it down a bit. When you’re hooking up with someone, you are just engaging in sex and seeing that person under sexual circumstances. When you’re friends with benefits, you are just fucking someone you’re friends with. You may hang out with each other, but it has no romantic connotation other than inside the bedroom.
Do you know why the word “situationship” is even a thing? Because we needed to describe the idiotic liminal space we’ve created when we have romantic feelings for someone who doesn’t want to be with us. A situationship may sound like a romantic purgatory, but don’t be fooled; it’s actually hell.
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You might be thinking, “Damn girl, who hurt you?” and the answer is: myself. As much as we’d like to blame another person when our feelings get hurt in any romantic situation, often in “situationships,” you can avoid that hurt with just one conversation and the bravery to be honest with yourself about what you want.
I remember hearing someone say, “In a situationship, one person is calling it a ‘situationship,’ while the other person is calling it nothing.” This realization floored me because that’s how situationships are typically set up: One person holds stronger romantic feelings, secretly hoping for a shift towards commitment, while the other enjoys the relationship’s perks without the intention of deepening it. There is no desire for this person to get into a relationship with the other person because there is no pressure or reason to do so.
Every time I’ve been in a situationship (I’m so ashamed that it’s been more than once), I’ve known whether or not I’m interested in being serious about the other person pretty much by the time we’re curled up on the couch, playing with each other’s hair, and watching Family Guy reruns. So if you hear “I don’t know what I want” from your situationship, that typically translates to “I don’t want you.”
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It can be a tough pill to swallow. (Trust me, I get it!) When we really like someone, we can make ourselves more pliable in our desires to keep the other person around. But in 2024, we are no longer shrinking our wants to keep someone in our lives! If you want a relationship, ask if they want one too. And if their answer doesn’t align with what you’re looking for, it’s time to drop them. Waiting around and hoping that they’ll wake up one day and realize how wonderful you are and want to date you will do nothing but keep you in a situationship longer and make your feelings that much more real.
The truth is, they already know how great you are — that’s why they continue to spend time with you and have sex with you. They just don’t want more. If they did, they’d say that. While it can be easy to let this realization propel you into a state of self-deprecation, wondering what it is about you that “isn’t enough,” I’m going to need you to stop right there. Someone not wanting you is not a reflection of your worth. Instead of thinking you’re not enough, know that a person who doesn’t want to be with you is not someone you want to be with anyway. And it doesn’t matter what your horoscope says about their true intention; staying in that situationship is nothing but an emotional death wish.
Like skinny jeans and sneaker wedges, situationships never had any business existing in the first place, let alone being brought into 2024. No matter how great you think they are, they put you in a state of discomfort, and people are making fun of you for having them. I don’t know who collectively told us that wanting commitment was embarrassing or something we needed to hide, but no more of that nonsense. In this new year, we must embrace our lover eras and go after relationships that feed our souls. Down with situationships!!