Hear Me Out: Spirit Is A *Very* Conventionally Attractive Horse

Okay, I’m ready to talk about it. I know my feelings, I know this is a safe space, and more importantly, I know I’m not the only one going through this. Two decades have passed, and I finally have the courage to admit my truth: I’m low-key — no high-key — attracted to Spirit, the horse. You know who I mean! Don’t even deny it. I’m sure a flash of that tanned back and wild mane immediately popped into your head, accompanied by the “HERE I AM” refrain.

He was the original bad boy, even more so than Chad Michael Murray in Freaky Friday or Damon in The Vampire Diaries. He was a freedom fighter, a rebel, a leader, and a heartthrob. Yes, he has hooves, so what? This film changed me even more than any other film, and I get shivers just listening to the soundtrack right now — I 100% recommend using it as your work playlist.

Don’t even get me started on that garbage fire of a Netflix series because I have sent numerous cease and desist letters that remain unanswered. No, I’m talking about the classic. I’m talking about DreamWork’s 2002 cinematic masterpiece — which the Academy denied the Oscars it sorely deserved (all of them) — Spirit: The Stallion of the Cimarron.

What was it about this horse?

Image Credit: DreamWorks

I don’t know where to start, as you can’t explain love; it’s just there. But I’ll do my best. Firstly, we can’t diminish the impact of the Hans Zimmer soundtrack on our impressionable minds. Then mix that with Bryan Adams’ passionate singing — like, he went hard on that shit. It featured songs to rival Tarzan, so the stage was set for a love of the ages. With tunes such as “Get Off My Back” and “I Will Always Return” blaring in the background, I didn’t stand a chance. The music was just so passionate, and my little naive heart associated this passion with the horse even more than I perhaps should’ve.

Now, let’s talk about the horse. Voiced by Matt Damon, another man who can come get it, there is very little speaking throughout the film. The horses don’t talk to each other; that would be childish, duh. Instead, we glimpse Matt Damon narrating the horse in swagger and cool tones. Almost the whole film is comprised of the hit soundtrack and horse whinnying. Fun fact: they used real horse sounds!! The rest of the voiceover cast is entirely male and consists of soldiers or Lakota Indians. But none of those really stood out in the same way as Matt Damon, or should I say… Spirit.

The horse looks good, like, come on. He’s big and muscly and a leader!!! The flowing black mane gets cut off by the soldiers (ugh, I felt that pain). The horse literally smirks at us! You cannot tell me otherwise. He’s just so cocky!!! A man who barely speaks to me yet acts like he’s above everything? Yes fucking, please. Also, Spirit was the leader of the horses, which is like dating a CEO or at least your manager. I love a man, or horse, in power.

Spirit (2002)

Image Credit: DreamWorks

He was a rebel! This whole film was. While Disney was spinning out barely veiled propaganda and misogyny, Spirit was teaching us to say fuck colonization. It was educating us on how the indigenous people of North America were kicked out. Boo, railroads, and the West!!! Thanksgiving? I don’t think Spirit would want that turkey!!! He’d want some grass in FREE AMERICA. Yeah.

My friends, we have a duty to continue the legacy of Spirit and this film. Until researching this article (yes, Mom, my job involves research!!), I was convinced it was the Stallion of the Cinnamon. I don’t even know what Cimarron is tbh. It sounds like that girl band of sisters I used to watch on YouTube. But it is Spirit: The Stallion of the Cimarron, and we gotta put some respect on the name.

Watch the movie. With your friends, with your nieces and nephews, with your Hinge date, with your coworkers under the guise of ‘market research.’ I don’t care who you watch it with, but carry on the good name. We could all learn from this horse who would not be tamed. Maybe he even inspired Miley Cyrus’ “Can’t Be Tamed” era. Idk if it’s possible! This was a horse that escaped soldiers, showed off his booty, and gave a lot of attitude. What have you done today? That’s what I thought. Now excuse me while I cry to this film and find a man that ignites my fire like this cartoon horse.