What Is Solo-Polyamory? No, It’s Not The Same As Being Single

In today’s world, it feels like there’s a new label for every shade of romantic and sexual preference. From demisexual to panromantic, the list of identifiers is as endless as a Cheesecake Factory menu. And while it’s incredible that people are feeling seen and validated in their unique experiences, some of us still find ourselves scratching our heads, wondering where we fit. After all, what if you don’t want to commit to just one partner? Or move in together? Or share a Costco membership with someone? You, my friend, just might be into solo-polyamory. And if that sounds familiar, yes you’ve seen this word before… on a certain meme.

Despite the fact that ethical non-monogamy is becoming more mainstream (thanks, TikTok), solo polyamory is still somewhat of an underdog term. It’s not splashed across rom-coms or getting its own Netflix docuseries (yet), but it’s a definitely been getting attention in recent months because of those hilarious memes. And more importantly, it’s a very valid lifestyle. If you’ve ever felt like the traditional “relationship escalator” — dating, moving in, getting married, and merging your entire lives — isn’t for you (even though you like the idea of having multiple partners), then solo polyamory might just be the vibe you’ve been looking for.

What Is Solo Polyamory?

Solo polyamory is a form of ethical non-monogamy (AKA, you’re not cheating) where people engage in multiple romantic or sexual relationships without subscribing to traditional relationship norms like getting joint bank accounts, getting a place together, or prioritizing one partner above others. Think of it as maintaining your independence while still enjoying meaningful connections. It’s about embracing autonomy and not feeling compelled to climb whatever societal script the whole world seems to be reading off of.

What’s The Difference Between Polyamory And Solo Polyamory?

While both polyamory and solo polyamory involve having multiple consensual relationships, the key differences manifests in lifestyle choices and commitments. Traditional polyamory might include hierarchical structures, like having a primary partner with whom you share a home or finances. In contrast, solo-polyamorists prefer to keep their lives less entwined with their partners’, maintaining separate living arrangements and financial independence. You might be thinking: is this just any guy who dates around that says he’s “not ready for relationships.” Not quite. It’s not about avoiding deep connections, it’s about building relationships that don’t fit the conventional mold.

Solo-polyamory offers an options for people who are independent and like their space, but still desire multiple loving relationships. And if you’re someone who’s not polyamorous and doesn’t get it, the good news is you don’t have to! There’s no one-size-fits-all in love — and I for one, totally understand wanting a partner but not wanting to ever share a bathroom.