Why Are Men Obsessed With How Many Exes You’ve Had? ‘Love Is Blind Habibi’ Is A Prime Example
Count your days, Chafic.
Featured Image Credit: Netflix
Topics: Love Is (Not) Blind, Relationships, Sex & Co.
Syeda Khaula Saad
Topics: Love Is (Not) Blind, Relationships, Sex & Co.
I used to be one of those people that would idealize young marriage. When I was 17 (a baby), I’d dream of getting married to the “love of my life” by 22 years old (also, a baby). Now that I’m almost 28, I realize just how insane that was. First, because the man I was with at 22 was an actual psychopath, but also because I would’ve missed out on all the other people and lessons I learned through dating afterwards. I’m smarter now, more mature, and have a much better idea of what I want — and especially what I don’t want — in a partner. But it’s this exact reason some men gravitate toward younger women who have never been in a relationship. And in an episode of Love is Blind Habibi, we see this kind of thinking unfold right in front of us.
Dounia, 24 and Chafic, 27 started off as one of my favorite couples after the pods. Eh, actually… let me rephrase that: All the couples were kind of awful, but I just thought it was cute how bubbly and happy they seemed once they saw each other IRL. They seemed really smitten by each other and excited to make things work. But as with many Love is Blind couples, the more screen time they got, the less I wanted them to have. I guess that’s a universal experience about the show.
Once Dounia and Chafic go on their first date together on the vacation after the pods, they sit down to have some conversations about their lives. Dounia tells Chafic that she’s never been in a relationship and Chafic basically lights up like a Christmas tree.
Dounia says that she’s worried her lack of experience on the relationship front means she lacks emotional maturity — which is a totally fair assessment, and also quite self-aware. However, Chafic says he prefers it that way. He tells her that even though he doesn’t judge anyone for having multiple exes, he can’t be with someone with “five or six exes.” And in the same breath explains that he himself has been in relationships in the past. Can you feel my major side-eye?
According to Chafic, that’s basically a woman who’s “emotionally done.” He says that he doesn’t want someone with “trust issues,” and that he’s dated someone like that before and he felt like he was taking shit for something some other guy did.
Ah, where do we even start? First, I do want to say I understand being worried about dealing with someone’s baggage. But has Chafic stopped to think for even one second that the very situation he’s telling Dounia about… is his own baggage… that Dounia would now have to deal with? The reality is that whether we have had relationships or not, we all carry around some sort of emotional baggage — we’re all humans who have relationships with our parents, our caregivers, our family, and our friends. It’s not just romantic relationships that have an effect on how we potentially treat partners. Also, let’s just call it for how it is: Men who prefer women who have no relationship experience? They’re typically manipulators.
I have to clarify that there is nothing wrong with either men or women who haven’t been in a relationship before. I have friends my age who have never had a romantic partner, and my hope is that when they do want to be with someone, they’re with someone who is accepting of this and is excited to give them a positive experience. But when a man goes out of his way to seek a woman who has never dated anyone before, it’s either because of some gross virgin-obsession he has or he wants to be able to get away with treating her any way he wants.
The “emotionally done” state that Chafic describes is actually just a woman being emotionally done with bullshit. These “trust issues” he’s describing are most likely a discernment women gain once they’ve been with someone who wants to whisper sweet nothings without backing it up with any action (and boy, does Chafic love saying sweet nothings). Going out of your way to look for a woman who has no relationship experience is creepy and more importantly, a major red flag. When I hear that, I just assume that a man wants to “mold” a woman to deal with whatever crap he throws at her, and that he can condition her into thinking it’s okay.
And while I think Dounia is a cutie, you can see a lot of the emotional immaturity come out when she sees Chafic speak to other women. And of course, not all women who don’t have a dating history lack emotional maturity. But something tells me Chafic is looking for the ones that do.