Kaitlyn Bristowe is a busy girlie. She’s a full-time Swiftie, wine connoisseur, influencer, podcaster, and Bachelor franchise legend, but she still made time to have a fabulous yap session with me at the Betches office. It was an honor to be in the presence of this Canadian icon! Her warm, bubbly energy is contagious, and I actually need the suit vest she wore for the interview.

If you’re a dedicated member of Bachelor Nation, you know that Kaitlyn was engaged to Shawn Booth for three years after they met on season 11 of The Bachelorette, and then she was with season 14 Bachelorette contestant Jason Tartrick for four years. But these days, she’s thriving as an independent queen. After all, when you’re a successful entrepreneur (you must try her Spade & Sparrows wine ASAP) and a bad bitch like Kaitlyn, men are kind of unnecessary. In fact, men are always unnecessary. Still, I was curious, because I’m just a girl who’s addicted to dating shows: If the reality star had to join one in 2024, which would she choose?

“What I want to say is Love is Blind because, like, I really only care about personality,” Kaitlyn replied, thoughtfully. “But also that would terrify me to not be able to see because I’m big on energy. I feel like that takes being face-to-face. You know what? I’ve never done Paradise. And I always felt like that was a missed opportunity. I would go back and do Paradise.” Bachelor in Paradise casting folks, you listening?

During our convo, Kaitlyn and I discussed the things that really matter: wine nights, her notes app, and obviously, Taylor Swift. Welcome to the Hall of Betches, Kaitlyn!!

HALL OF BETCHES INDUCTION:

KAITLYN BRISTOWE

Image Credit: Betches

Obviously you’re the queen of wine, so describe your ideal wine night. Who’s there? What’s the vibe?

Oh, okay. Well, first of all, being called a wine queen is something that I hope is on my tombstone. My ideal wine night would be… I have a really good core group of girls in my life that I just love spending time with. And I’ve been friends with them since I was five years old and some since I was about 19, and I’m 39. They’re hilarious. We have all the same sense of humor. And so, I feel like it would be with my core group of girlfriends with my dogs in my house. And we would just have a giggle fest, but real talk giggle fest.

Sounds amazing. Do you have a dream guest for Off the Vine?

Dream podcast guest would be probably Taylor Swift.

Oh, yeah, 100 percent. That would be crazy. Everyone’s dream guest.

Yeah, exactly. Exactly.

Who would you like to play you in a movie about your life and what would the title of that movie be?

Oh, damn. Okay. Who would I want to play me?

I almost could see Aubrey Plaza.

Oh, I love her. Okay, let’s go with her. Because I feel like she could pull off the sweet and the sass and the sense of humor, but while also just being a hot mess. That’s me. And then the title would be called… Don’t Act Like You Can’t Relate.

That’s so good.

People always think… they always judge me for everything. And I feel like people are hard on me, but I’m like, “Don’t act like you can’t relate.”

For sure. So, we’ve seen you go through relationship highs and lows… what would your advice be to a friend going through a breakup?

I feel like we all don’t pay enough attention to our guts and what it’s telling us. And if you actually get quiet and listen to what your body’s telling you, it probably is telling you that’s the right way to go. Even if it feels terrible and you’re sad, your gut is probably telling you it’s also the right thing. And the only way to get through it is by actually going through it. Just feel all the feels. And see a grief counselor. I saw a grief counselor at one point in my life for a breakup, and it actually helps because you are grieving the person.

Oh, that’s really interesting. And listen to Taylor Swift.

And listen to Taylor. Duh. And always listen to Taylor Swift.

Who would be at your dream celebrity dinner party? They can be alive or dead.

Oh, gosh. Okay. Kurt Cobain, Britney Spears. It’s going to be a messy dinner. Paul Rudd, Jennifer Aniston, Brené Brown.

Wow, that’s quite a crew. I’d love to hear that conversation. Okay, if you’re in the backseat of an Uber looking out a window on a rainy day, what song is playing in your head?

“Smallest Man Who Ever Lived” by Taylor Swift.

Excellent choice.

I think dark thoughts on rainy days.

Speaking of music, I know you’ve released a couple singles, and I saw your notes app list of song title ideas that you posted on Instagram.

Oh, no.

Personally, I would vote for “The Con Artist Kiss” and “Calculated Soul.” Are you planning to release those or any others on the list?

Living in Nashville, songwriters are everywhere, and it’s available to me. I love writing. I actually find it very therapeutic. I’ve had so many writing sessions booked and then had to change it, because I’m like, “Oh, I can’t do it. I’m in Costa Rica. Oh shoot, I have to go to New York. Oh, I’m here. I’m there.” And I realize, “Well, I need to spend more time in Nashville.” Because I really do plan on writing more music.

It’s funny because I could be in a complete different place now than I was when I wrote those song titles. But I still want to write them because I look at Taylor Swift. Okay, she’s come up with five times in this interview. But I look at her and it’s like, “Oh, this is what she was going through at the time.” We don’t have to be like, “Okay, still hanging onto this because she wrote this.” It’s like, “No, this is what I was going through at the time.”

Aside from song titles, what do you use your notes app for?

Oh my gosh. Funny things that happen to me because for podcasting content, I always have my guests do confessions and tell embarrassing stories. Whenever something embarrassing happens to me, I write it down in my notes app. I am at that age where I have baby names in my notes app. And if I hear song lyrics or quotes from movies or TV shows that I love, or if I’m reading and there’s a really good saying in there, I’ll write that down. And then my packing list, because I’m traveling every week.

Yeah, that’s important. What’s the most embarrassing thing you’ve ever done to impress someone you had a crush on?

Fully took up guitar lessons and acted like I was some incredible musician because he loved music.

Amazing. Do you still play?

No. I learned how to play four chords. And I can play the shit out of “Wonderwall.”

There you go. What’s your favorite part about being single?

Well, I’m a very independent person, so my independence really gives me confidence. And I’ve learned to really get to know myself when I’m alone. I’ll take myself on dates. I go to restaurants by myself. I just feel like I’m just in a place where being alone is comfortable and I just, I want to share things with people, but I’m okay not. I’m okay on my own.

And lastly, what would be your current yearbook superlative?

That’s a good question. Most likely to delete Instagram and move to a Golden Retriever farm.

How do I get myself invited to this?