Ranking The ‘Love Is Blind’ Season 7 Couples From Least To Most Nightmarish

I have one simple question for the casting team behind Netflix’s most beloved hot mess, Love Is Blind. Where in the world do you find these people? I know the answer for season 7 is technically Washington DC, home of American politics, and yet I still wasn’t expecting these couples to be more chaotic than half the nonsense going on inside The White House. Over the years, Love Is Blind has definitely had some top-tier troublemakers and toxic relationships they’ll be studying one day in The Smithsonian, but something about the seventh season has presented some remarkably rancid relationships I just can’t shake. (Seriously, the mere thought of whatever Stephen’s “dirty kink texting” entailed has kept me up for days at a time.) Since we’re knee-deep in Spooky Season, and nothing is more frightening than the thought of some of these couples becoming legally wed, here’s a ranking of the Love Is Blind season 7 couples from least to most nightmarish.

Garrett And Taylor

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To be honest, these two could’ve not gotten married and they still would’ve beat the other six couples by about a million miles. Luckily for us, they delivered on the fantasy Nick and Vanessa promise every year with minimal speedbumps along the way. Garrett responding to his ex without giving Taylor a heads-up was not ideal, but the way they talked through it proved the couple’s strength. Plus, he got her mom Fong’s stamp of approval, and I kinda trust Fong with my life. Some fans think Garrett is too boring for Taylor. I have to assume those fans have not encountered a man who talks too much or seen Garrett’s low-key glow-up yet.

Brittany And Leo

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Yes, this final lineup is so bleak, Brittany and Leo are now far from public enemy number one. TBH, I would’ve liked to see them go to Mexico and share an apartment, after the amount of time we had to hear Leo bragging about his life of luxury. Leo displayed signs of textbook gaslighting and Brittany seemed too focused on the trophy wife lifestyle without finding a true winner first. And yet, had they both been just a tiny bit more self-aware, it poss could’ve worked out.

Tim And Alex

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Instead of the textbook all gas no breaks mistake most LIB couples make, Tim and Alex’s problem was slamming on the breaks repeatedly without warning. One second Alex couldn’t stand Tim’s annoying jokes on their honeymoon which escalated into a major fight. The next second, he was making Mr. Byrd (and America) cry with his touching commitment to his daughter. As we all know, one nap later the love was lost. I guess I have to commend Tim for cutting it off as soon as he decided it wasn’t right. Let’s be real if Alex was that upset about the breakup, she probably would’ve paused her dinner to talk it out.

Ramses And Marissa

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When Ramses and his two love locs inserted their way onto my screen, I was not expecting how loveless his behavior would turn towards Marissa. Like he actually said “It’s not me, it’s you” when breaking off their wedding in the eleventh hour and then lamented how painful it was to see her upset. Marissa may have conflicting opinions about the US military, but at least she’s honest. I thought Ramses was that friendly guy at the party you can trust to have a chill conversation without it getting weird, but now I’m more convinced he’s actually the guy who offers you a ride home so he can lecture you on the merits of hemp-based products and expects that stimulating conversation to turn you on.

Hannah And Nick

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Where to start with these two? Hannah has apologized for being mean to Nick for two weeks straight but is an apology that includes the qualification of standing “10 toes down” on everything she felt actually genuine? I think not. Hannah’s behavior was problematic beyond just her delivery, and hopefully, the fan response to her many apology tour interviews will bring that to light. Meanwhile, Nick didn’t know how to boil pasta, so he’s not getting off scot-free either.

Stephen And Monica

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Even when Stephen and Monica were happy, it was hard to root for the couple in the shadow of the kooky comments about mixed ethnicity they were tossing around in the pods. By the time they made it to Mexico, Monica had started to get a hint this might not be the guy for her, given his incessant jabber about all the babes he was going to have to fight off in his DMs after the show aired (BTW, how’d that work out for ya, Stephen?). Stephen made the decision easy by cheating on Monica during a sleep study (yes that’s a real sentence). I hope she brings her send-the-venmo-now energy to the reunion instead of that whole “he’s a good guy who made a mistake” fluff she was gabbing about at the flapper party.

Tyler And Ashley

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I can’t believe it’s even possible, but fans have good reason to suspect Ashley is letting Tyler off the hook for his whopper of a lie about producing “sperm babies.” It was understandable that she might give him a chance before his children’s mother, Bri, put their whole situation on blast online. But the major claims about child support issues and ditching his dad duties for Netflix clout (which have shook the internet to its core) haven’t stopped Ashley from showing him love on her socials in real-time. It’s bad enough Tyler allegedly withheld the truth from Ashley, and the world, but making us face a reunion where we’re the bad guy for holding her flop accountable? Y’all are a hella hard no for me, dawg.