Honey, Wake Up! The Rizzler Just Dropped A Christmas Diss Track 

It’s happened again: a child is richer and more famous than I ever hope to be. This time, it’s The Rizzler, a seven-year-old from New Jersey who is beyond viral on TikTok. Along with his dad and pals, he posts sassy one-liners, food tastings, and general rizz-filled content. But he’s about to be the latest influencer to add “musician” to his TikTok bio, and I can’t even begrudge him that. Yep, you heard it right. The Rizzler has just dropped his first diss track, and I have had it on repeat non-stop. MGA Entertainment (Little Tikes, Bratz, and more) partnered with The Rizzler to create what they describe as “a first-of-its-kind, shoppable music video.” Stay tuned for this boppy track and how it came to be. You bet I got the inside scoop from this 7-year-old’s team.

Wait, the Rizzler makes music now?

The Rizzler is right up there with the greatest rappers of our generation, including Eminem, Nicki Minaj, Snoop Dogg, and 50 Cent. The music video and song are inspired by opulent rap videos set in a grand, old-money mansion. But instead of rapping about… naughty, adult things, The Rizzler raps about Christmas gifts!! It’s so wholesome and seems like a great career progression for the kid. We can only hope that one day, he will invent his own music genre, like former child star Jojo Siwa. Sadly, the Costco Guys don’t make an appearance in the music video! But don’t worry, they’ve got their own song on their channel!!

“MGA Presents: Diss-mas” is a bold holiday diss track featuring TikTok-viral sensation The Rizzler. Unlike Kidz Bop, it’s not just a song by kids, it’s a song by kids FOR ADULTS. I fear we may be on to a new trend here, and it won’t end well for those of us who once posted albums on Facebook.

Fans are all over it. Within hours of posting, The Rizzler’s Instagram post had comments like “SONG OF THE YEAR 🗣️🗣️” and “Kendrick who?” Some ask when we can expect to see it on the Billboard 100. To be honest, I wouldn’t even be surprised if he ends up competing with Taylor Swift and Sabrina Carpenter. Just wait until the TikTok trend undoubtedly emerges and everyone is doing the same dance.

Who is the Rizzler dissing?

2024 has truly been a year for diss tracks, the likes of which we haven’t seen Eminem and Mariah Carey. Most notably, rappers Kendrick and Drake went back and forth with numerous diss tracks that quickly escalated into serious allegations of criminal offenses. So it’s not surprising that kids are picking up diss tracks now, just like they use Retinol and put Stanley Cups on their wishlists.

This is no sugary-sweet Kidz Bop track, The Rizzler didn’t come to play. He is getting serious about what he wants for Christmas, and in this video, he is dissing all the rubbish gifts people get their kids. Hint: “I don’t want a gift card, nah, no way!” (send them my way instead). Apparently, gone are the days when Auntie Susan could pawn you off with a gift card or movie voucher. The kids are rioting and no longer accepting this. So basically, he is dissing you, adults. I can’t include myself, as I’m only twenty-eight years young.

Okay, but what do we buy those precocious youngsters? The Rizzler claims they want “real toys.” It seems Bratz Dolls are still cool (phew), as well as basketball hoops, cartoon cars, L.O.L surprises, and anything glow-in-the-dark. Basically, we apparently shop at MGM now, and that’s fine by me. So go “tell Saint Nick, pack up his sleigh” — the rhyme KILLED on that one.

Most importantly, where did he get that fur coat, and do they come in my size??? The Rizzler is giving Mob Wife and making me think we ditched that trend way too soon. Also, is it just me, or are all the kids in this video a million times cooler than I’ll ever be? This Christmas, I’m asking Santa for their rizz.

When does this hit Spotify? Just need to make sure I don’t mess up my 2025 Spotify Wrapped and spend the entire year panicking.