A Brutally Honest Breakdown Of What Your Favorite Soup Says About You

Mean Girls might have taught us about Girl World, but it didn’t cover jack shit about Soup World, and as we all remember, soup girls are the coolest girls in the chicken coop. Since Soup Society is a complex and nuanced social hierarchy, I’ve put together a dossier to help you get to know the key players. From insecure Lentil Soup to HBIC Ramen, there’s truly a soup for everyone, so hashtag tag yourself.

Each classic soup has her own strengths, weaknesses, and vices, much like how a Squirtle is a great swimmer but will fall down bad if he’s met with electricity. And just like with Pokemon, we encourage you to literally choose your fighter with our betchy soup trading cards. But be warned: this guide may force you to reckon with the worst parts of yourself. Hit your Juul and power through.