A [Frustrated] Girl’s Guide To Catching An Orgasm On SSRIs (Or At Least Trying To)

Recently, I opened up about how sweaty I get on my SSRIs (Selective Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitors, AKA antidepressants, AKA my happy girlie pills), and shocker: I’m not the only sweaty betch out there!!! So while we’re all here airing our side effect laundry, let’s talk about another super fun one. You’ve definitely seen it used as a lazy punchline in sitcoms when a guy can’t get it up. But guess what? It’s not just a “him” problem.

Yes, the SSRI orgasm struggle is VERY real for those of us with vulvas, too.

When I started SSRIs back in the summer of 2023, I got the usual side effect rundown: weight gain, sweating, sleep issues, increased anxiety, etc. But I was single, depressed, and not exactly in my “extracurriculars” era, so I didn’t think the orgasm thing mattered.

And then… my vibrator betrayed me. Or more accurately: my meds betrayed me through my vibrator. My once-reliable queen, who’d never let me down (while charged), suddenly wasn’t doing the job. I felt like I was failing her.

When I brought it up to my psychiatrist (shoutout to me for that brave moment), she asked if I was aroused before I started. Uhh… no? Didn’t she know this was more of a nightly habit — a relaxing pre-bedtime ritual? Apparently not.

Spoiler alert: I did eventually reach the finish line. I upped my meds, hit a few roadblocks, and got through it. Solo and partnered. And now? I’m thriving. I figured it out, and you can too — here’s how.

Why Do SSRIs Make It Difficult To Finish?

Before we get to solutions (we’re not men, we don’t skip the backstory), let’s talk about why this happens. Because honestly, you’re already depressed — why does the cure have to steal the one consistently good part of being alive?

Betches spoke to Dr. Nikita Kanani, MBE, Chief Strategy and Innovation Officer at Aneira Health, for the medical tea.

“While serotonin is key to mood regulation, it also plays a role in inhibiting sexual function. For many women, this can mean delayed orgasm, reduced libido, or difficulty achieving orgasm altogether,” explains Dr Kanani.

“These side effects aren’t just physical — they can affect confidence, relationships, and overall wellbeing. And yet, they’re often under-discussed in both clinical and social settings,” she adds.

Translation: serotonin is that chill girl at the party who tells everyone to relax. When she takes over, your “let’s get horny” signals get ignored like your situationship’s last text.

The science-y bit:

SSRIs can increase serotonin but suppress dopamine — AKA the fun chemical responsible for desire, pleasure, and hitting the Big O. Add a little nerve desensitization, and suddenly your clit’s like, “New phone, who dis?”

Fun fact: this is literally why SSRIs are sometimes prescribed to treat premature ejaculation. So yeah, the struggle is baked in.

Is It Normal To Struggle To Climax With SSRIs?

Absolutely. You’re not broken, you’re not alone, and you’re not doomed to a vibe-free life.

There are workarounds — like adjusting your dose, switching meds, or syncing up your dosage time with your sex life (yes, this is a thing). But sometimes, your body just figures it out on its own.

Personally, I hit some roadblocks early on, and now? Let’s just say I’m doing very well for myself two years later. Several-times-a-night well. Heehee.

Your mental health matters more than one missed orgasm — but babe, you deserve both. Advocate for your pleasure like you would for the last mozzarella stick. Loudly. Shamelessly. No regrets.

How Can You Discuss SSRIs With A [New] Partner?

This isn’t just about solo sessions — sometimes you want a second (or third) pair of hands involved. So how do you explain why your machinery might feel a little…rusty?

There’s so much unnecessary shame around SSRIs. There shouldn’t be. They’re helping you live your life. So treat them like a tool, not a secret. Be honest about the impact they can have — and what you need in return.

Betches spoke to Monica Lynne, a sex and relationship expert at the dating app Flirtini, for tips.

“Having good communication with your partner to understand what helps or hinders orgasmic feelings,” Monica says. “Remove the pressure that sexual connection is the goal of physical touch or that orgasm is the goal of sexual connection.”

Also: let’s normalize casual hookups not needing a full sexual résumé. If you don’t want to explain, you don’t have to. Stick to what feels good, focus on them if that’s easier, center your own pleasure, and maybe even give the other person a crash course in what works for you. Who doesn’t love a helpful queen?

How To Cross The Finish Line: SSRI Edition

Okay, enough backstory. Let’s talk solutions. Whether solo or partnered, these tips can help you catch that elusive O. So let’s put our best foot (or finger) forward and get this done.

Talk to your doctor

Bring it up! Loudly! Proudly! “This is a known side effect,” says Dr. Kanani. “And there are options — adjusting your dosage, switching meds, or adding therapies that support sexual health.”

Talk to yourself

Stop blaming yourself. You’re not broken. “Ditch the shame,” Dr. Kanani says. “This is biological, not personal.” Put that on a Post-It.

Set the mood

Don’t risk associating the search for pleasure with frustration. Create a calm and sexy atmosphere. Use a sex playlist (a la The Ultimatum: Queer Love), put on some hot lingerie, light a few candles, and take your time.

An extra order of foreplay

Since this is neurochemical, you might need to extend the warmup. Monica recommends 2–3x your normal foreplay time — think: touching, kissing, massaging, dirty talk, deep emotional connection. Slow it down.

Call in a helping hand [or buzz]

I’m an independent woman except in the bedroom. No clue where to start in the wild world of vibrators? I gotchu.

• Je Joue’s Amour bullet vibrator is great if you like palm-style stimulation
• Maude’s Vibe personal massager is discreet, portable, and vibey AF
• The Poet by SheSpot for clit suction that will ruin you (in the best way) —that name is enough to get me off and then gaslight me
• We-Vibe’s Tango X is waterproof, quiet, and excellent for shower-girlies

Be generous with that gel

SSRIs can cause some Sahara-like conditions down there, even when you’re in the mood and having a good time. No worries!!! Lube it up, girlie. Smile Makers’ Generous Gel is a great starting product for this. Or if you want to treat yourself (as you should), Ples’Jour silicone lubricant made me feel like the main character in a European indie film. I saw the other side. I didn’t know lube could be like this.

Edge it real good

“Experimenting with the intensity of touch, either with hands, oral, or a vibrator, may help override a dulled sensation,” suggests Monica. “Edging is a technique to get closer to orgasmic feelings and then ratchet back the stimuli several times to provide a series of waves rather than aiming for one orgasm as a crescendo.”

You’re not alone. You’re not broken. And with a little experimentation, communication, and possibly a vibrator named after a poet, you can have your mental health and your orgasms too.

Now go forth and finish strong.