Hot Take: I Actually Love Resolutions Because I Can Leave Last Year’s Trash Behind

I’ll say it: New Year’s resolutions have gotten a bad rap. They need to fire their PR person. To me, resolutions aren’t about engaging in toxic positivity or putting unrealistic expectations onto my perfectly fine chubby cute lil bod (thank you very much). New Year’s resolutions are about saying goodbye to the TRASH year that I just slogged through. It’s walking through a door to something new. Is it the same shit? Yeah, maybe. But it’s a chance for new shit too. Or — dare I dream — maybe LESS shit!

Basically, it’s a chance for a fresh start. When I was a kid, Santa was the mythical magical thing. Now that I’m… er, not a kid anymore, the magic I’m left with are the possibilities that a new year might bring. I understand it could be psychosomatic or a placebo effect or whatever phrase some nihilistic bummer might want to use, but at the beginning of every year, I feel a sense of hope and new-ness and you bet your ass I’m latching onto that feeling. SUE ME, NIHILISTS!

So, I’m taking back resolutions this year. No one will resolution-shame this bitch. If I want to make a little vision board or manifest more cheese in my life, then by god I will do it with scented markers and glitter glue. And if you’re new to resolutions or want to participate in their unofficial re-brand, here are some tips.

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New Year’s Resolutions Are Like Dating (Aka Manage Your Expectations)

The biggest hang up for people is that they don’t want to feel like they’ve failed at something. Guess what? Failing means you tried! Don’t let fear of failure stop you from thinking about what you want for yourself. And, speaking of dating, some of my favorite dates are platonic! Go on a little friend date and talk it out. I guarantee that one of you is bound to inspire the other one. Make it a coffee and bring those journals which you will definitely use all year lol.

Restriction Isn’t The Vibe, Girlie

Rather than trying to cut out carbs or something like that, try a health-promoting behavior that is easier to maintain, such as adding in things like a cute lil stretch or a fruit and vegetable. There are lots of fun recipes on TikTok on how to hide veggies into your meals like you’re a picky toddler. Hey whatever works. Just remember: addition not restriction!!!

Just Make The Damn List

If this all still feels overwhelming, maybe just think about a couple words. Peace, sex, money. (Wait, did I just come up with a band name?) Anyways, you don’t have to put a number on the vibes you want to manifest. (Oops, my woo-woo is showing but you made it this far so what did you expect?) Just know that even making a list of things you want to do to better your life is an accomplishment. Just having the thought experiment is productive. Good job!