Hi, Barbie! 2004 Called And Wants Its Phone Back

Oh, you thought Barbie mania was over just because it’s been a year since the film was released, annihilated box offices, and caused a worldwide shortage of pink paint? You’re so mistaken because it is the year 2024, and the world will soon be introduced to a Barbie phone. This is truly the year of inexplicable partnerships, such as SpongeBob Squarepants and Wendy’s, and now Mattel, aka the creator of Barbie and UNO (another fave), is partnering with Nokia to launch an exclusive Barbie flip phone. Think back to those phones you’d see in Y2K movies where they sassily toss it open and start talking shit.

I’ll be honest: I didn’t know Nokia was still in business. I thought it was the Blockbuster of phones. My first phone was a Nokia (revealing my age), and it was a black and pink slim brick (again, revealing my age). I’d diligently type out text messages using my nine buttons and play Snake as if I were a teenager with no taxes to pay.

This Barbie pink (previously known as ~Millennial pink,~ but that’s a different story) phone will come with custom Barbie wallpapers and app icons. Turning it on will cause it to play a “Hi Barbie!” tone, which is ideal for the office. It costs $130, which would be fine, except my mom says 27 is too old for her to buy me a phone??

But shut the front door because, according to GBNews, “a custom version of the classic Snake game preinstalled on all Nokia phones has been created for the Barbie-themed flip phone.” — GET ME ONE RIGHT NOW!! I don’t care how much it costs.

Barbie Phone Features (Or Lack-Of)

Image Credit: Mattel/Nokia

Presented as a “Barbie ‘brick’ phone to help children digitally detox” by The Telegraph (very mindful, very demure), it will only include technologies that were available in the ’90s and 2000s era of the early mobile phone: a basic camera, calls, and texts. It cannot connect to social media or the internet. But don’t worry, you’ll get STICKERS with it!!!

I know I need a digital detox, as I can’t go to the bathroom without opening TikTok as if the 30-second videos inspire my bowel movements, and I live at the mercy of Twitter and Instagram notifications — it’s not my fault I’m a writer! In order to win the race of increasingly feature-laden iPhones and Androids, the Barbie phone will offer none of that! She’s Barbie, and this phone is just Ken.

Why Is The Younger Generation Drawn To “Dumb Phones”

Image Credit: Mattel

First off, what’s a dumb phone? It’s basically a phone with less features on purpose, like having a flip phone in the year of our lord 2024. According to data provided by Morning Consult, 28% of Gen Z adults report interest in acquiring a dumb phone. “This curiosity comes as a majority of Gen Z adults and millennials harbor discontent about their current levels of daily screen time,” Morning Consult writes of its analysis. “It’s our latest research that suggests young consumers’ relationship with technology is souring — and that the status symbols of tomorrow may be analog-inspired rather than AI-generated.”

I don’t always get Gen Z trends, I’ll be the first to admit that. Low-waisted jeans were traumatizing enough the first time around. Though I have been converted to crew socks, as the girlies were RIGHT. But like every other anxious, tech-ridden girlie, I, too, dream of throwing it all away for a dumb phone. The idea of not having to refresh my latest Instagram pic to see the number of likes seems utopian. But it’s an idea, an American dream, and not reality. The truth is I guarantee that more than half the people who buy this phone will keep their smartphone alongside it and use it as a photo prop more than anything else. Or, you’ll have to go to your computer like we did in the 1900s.