There were a lot of firsts at the 96th Academy Awards ceremony. John Cena went nude. Famous dogs were in the audience. Ryan Gosling came for Justin Timberlake’s job. But I don’t care about any of that because none of these iconic moments are putting my besties in danger of a life-altering mistake. But do you know what is a threat to society? Sydney Sweeney debuted a chin-length bob at the Oscars. Step away from the scissors, girlies!! I’m dead serious.
Last night, Sydney Sweeney arrived at the Vanity Fair Oscar Party channeling old Hollywood glamour. It wasn’t the only flash from the past: She styled the ’50s bob with a side part. (Someone call the millennials!) And while Sydney certainly stole the show, we can’t forget that America Ferrera did it first. The Barbie star also gave us a reason to itch for an above-the-shoulder haircut, as did Zendaya, Carey Mulligan, and Danielle Brooks.
And while Gigi Hadid didn’t attend as Bradley Cooper’s date (Mom comes first!), she also jumped on the trend a day before the Oscars by cutting off her signature long hair.
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I thought we had braved this storm already when Hailey Bieber tried to influence us into the Lord Farquaad chin-length cut, but apparently, it was just the beginning. The bob haircut trend is officially back, and it’s coming for the most susceptible amongst us. It has taken everything in my power not to call the salon to make an appointment. God willing, I make it through spring without a mental breakdown-inspired haircut.
Listen, we’ve all been there. A breakup or other lousy news wreaks havoc on your personal life, and you turn to the hairdresser’s chair. The emotionally fueled hair chop is well documented throughout history. But it’s another thing when you try to emulate that hot celebrity on the red carpet because it looks good on her. I’m sorry to tell you that you are not Sydney Sweeney. You do not have the cheekbones of supermodel Gigi Hadid. And no matter how charismatic you are, it is highly doubtful your smile lights up the room like America Ferrera. While this may feel harsh, I’m doing this for the well-being of all. Consider this a public service announcement. You’re welcome!