Featured Image Credit: HBO Max
Topics: Lifestyle, Mental Health, Shopping
Melanie Whyte
One thing about me: I never need an excuse to give myself a “little treat.” Bad day? I deserve a treat. Good day? Congratulations, here’s a treat. But when the world is falling apart around me, as it often is lately (hahahaha, everything is fine), then it’s time to bring out the heavy hitters. I have an escalation plan in place to keep me from falling apart, including treating myself to everything cute and comforting. (And yes, this is a coping strategy regardless of what my therapist says!!)
For a long time, my “self-care” was spending lots of money and time on the upkeep of my physical appearance, like scheduling a mani-pedi or getting my hair done (or removed rather forcefully). And while I love it when my nails look like they’ve never done a hard day of work in their life, my new version of self-care happens when I’m in gremlin mode. Because when nothing is going well, why the hell should I look like it is? I know, I know, I’m so authentic and likable!
So, here are the different ways I like to pamper myself when everything is definitely not fine and the tools I use to bring me out of the hell hole of existential dread. And if you feel validated by this list, follow Betches’ new IG account @everythings.fine so we can laugh/cry together.
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The last thing I want to do when I’m in a bad mood is be seduced (ew, don’t touch me), but I do love crafting an environment suitable for a lover. I’m talking about candles, dim lighting, assorted chocolates — and, my fave vibrator lol.
So fucking good! Just order the “big boi” size, trust.
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$69
This little finger-extension dude is my bestie when it comes to solo time.
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$65
Don’t make fun of me. These are not old people’s candy!!! It’s just a brand that’s been around a long time because they’re so damn good at what they do.
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$29.50
I love doing all the activities you’d do at a sleepover when I’m sad. That means painting my nails, watching rom coms, using a face mask, and thirsting over my celebrity crush.
I usually don’t care if something is vegan (sorry, not sorry), but whatever ingredient is in this nail polish means my nails don’t chip immediately and therefore I love it.
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$13.99
Yes, it’s pricey!!! But I swear to god it’s worth it. The way my jaw has finally unclenched since I started using this tool — take all my money!
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$399
Whether it’s a sleepy girl mocktail or a full blown cocktail, I’m not making my bad mood worse by drinking out of a lame-ass cup. I want fun glassware, the more colorful the better! Also, Saludi is a small business so you get to pat yourself on the back while drinking.
$134.98
Fuck long walks for your mental health. I’m not getting off my goddamn couch when I have a bad day. Wait, that’s a little extreme. I’m willing to go outside if, and only if, the weather is so beautiful I could cry. Then I will brave the outside world for a solo picnic with a cute journal where I can write about how everyone sucks and I’m a perfect angel who deserves better.
I love cute sweatpants that you can wear at home or on a stupid mental health walk. Give me range!
$34.99
$118
It has a wine bottle holder! Enough said.
$47.98
When I’m dead serious about not getting fresh air this cutie keeps me cool at home. Mine is pink because I’m a girl’s girl.
$79