Finding Wedding Vendors Is A LOT Like Dating — Let Me Explain

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For most of my twenties and thirties, I was, unequivocally, a master-dater. I dated a lot. Like, A LOT. Finding a suitable, icing-on-the-cake, lifelong mate was a fun, enlightening, comically tedious side project for me while I lived my best life. (Thank goodness that Wild & Indefinite Swiping Project has commenced.) Often, when my married friends would ask me what dating apps were like, I would paint them a beautiful picture by saying, “Have you ever seen a cute little raccoon rummaging through the garbage?”

Now, if my single friends ask what wedding planning is like, I’d say… “Have you ever seen a tired little raccoon trying to find 72 glass candle vases on Facebook Marketplace?” Narrowing down and executing all the details of your Big Day can be a challenge, but I’ve found that narrowing down the subjectively-best wedding vendors to make your vision come to life requires the same amount of scrutiny, curiosity and diligence (and glasses of wine) as dating did.

(Hey — at least vendors have Yelp/Knot/Google reviews. Why’d they never get around to making those for single people?!)

In the name of honoring the epic pursuit to find the one (be it a husband or a DJ), I’ve figured out all the ways the two acts are alike.

The Wedding Vendor Bases

First Base – Vibe Check

“Hey, we saw you from across the internet, and we like your style.”

Second Base – Let’s Date

“Are you available…October 12?”

Third Base – Heavy Vetting

“Let’s make sure we have the same vision, the same goals, the same daunting desire for perfection.”

Homerun – Getting Lucky

“You’re in my budget!”

Dating Vocab Updated For Wedding Planning

Catfishing – When the vendor has a beautiful Instagram aesthetic and 2.5 stars on Yelp

Hook-up – When a vendor gives you a little freebie, like 10% off

Cuffing Season – The time period between the first day you sign a vendor contract and the execution

Ghosting – When you find out a vendor’s fee is 10x what you thought it would be and you just pass away

Breadcrumbing – Meal prep after paying for a wedding

Hard Launch – When you debate rocketing yourself into space instead of looking at another vendor portfolio

Orbiting – When you keep following the vendor you couldn’t afford on IG

Same Same (But Different)

Dating: Meeting strangers off the internet to maybe fall in love one day

Vendors: Meeting strangers off the internet to plan a party for one day

Dating: Looking for a partner in crime

Vendors: Looking for a partner in cream (and blush and rose and gold)

Dating: “Where do you see yourself in five years?”

Vendors: “Where do you see yourself in five months?”

Dating: Swiping left and right

Vendors: Swiping your credit card left and right

Dating: Green flag – listing their interests on the profile

Vendors: Green flag – listing their prices on their website

Dating: Red flag – too many potentials on the roster

Vendors: Red flag – too many clients on the roster

Dating: Best date ever?

Vendors: Best day ever!

Things You Should Look For In A Partner (And A Vendor):

Florist – Thrilled to shower you with flowers

DJ – Encourages you to shake what your mama gave ya

Venue – Makes you feel special in a way you never thought possible

Photographer – Understands you have one good side but still says both sides are great

Bartender – Won’t judge you for your signature cocktail order (three back-to-back martinis)

Wedding Coordinator – Pays close attention to you on your terms

Officiant – Willing to marry you

ALL JOKES ASIDE — Finding the perfect teammate(s) is crucial groundwork for the best day ever. A few tips I’ve learned from finding my vendors:

• Costs and fees among vendors vary GREATLY. If you’re sticking to a hardcore (lower) budget, don’t reach out to the florist whose Instagram bio says “Luxury Wedding Florals” — you will be heartbroken.
• There is no correct order to nailing down vendors, but if I had to prioritize urgency, I’d say: venue, catering/bar, photographer/videographer, DJ, florals, additional decor/fun features.
• It helps to compliment a vendor before you ask about availability and rates. As a creative, it goes a long way if you say, “I really like your work” before getting down to business.
• If you can’t meet with a vendor IRL, talk on the phone with them or hop on a video chat. Vibe is so important!!
• Don’t be afraid to find unconventional paths to vendors — like word-of-mouth and Facebook Groups. (More on this next month.)
• Befriend all your vendors on Insta!

Ensuring the stars align isn’t easy but when they do, boy, is it worth it. (Allegedly. I’ll let you know for sure in October. 😉)