What It’s *Actually* Like Dating A Hypnotherapist, According To A Hypnotherapist

When you’re a celebrity, hard-launching a relationship comes with a whole slew of possible risks. Fans (and haters) alike may form opinions about a new partner’s appearances, their reputation with past partners, or even the possibility that they have another partner the hard launcher isn’t aware of. But when the internet’s favorite friend Jennifer Aniston went Instagram Official with famed life coach and hypnotherapist Jim Curtis, fans’ seemed to be most concerned about his line of work.

Most people hear “hypnotherapist” and immediately imagine those random hypnotists at the county fair telling people to “act like a dog” and “bark.” Personally, my mind goes to the episode of Workin’ Moms when Anne realizes that her hypnotist ex-husband is using his practice to sexually coerce his clients. he general consensus seems to be one of humiliation and manipulation. So with all of the not-so-great marketing around hypnotherapists, it’s no wonder that Jennifer’s followers are side-eyeing her newly public relationship.

But clinical hypnotherapist Olivia Howell tells Betches that what we’ve been exposed to is simply a performance, whereas real hypnotherapy is simply a healing modality.

“Hypnotherapy is a gentle but powerful practice that helps people access their subconscious mind, the place where our deepest stories, patterns, and beliefs live, so we can create real, lasting change from within.”

“Essentially, it’s the process of working with someone to rewrite and rewire the narratives their subconscious has been holding onto, sometimes for decades,” she says.

The word “hypnosis” is derived from the Greek word “hypnos” which means sleep. In 1841, a surgeon named James Braid coined the term “hypnosis,” because the trance-like state he witnessed reminded him of “nervous sleep.” He believed this practice could help treat patients with functional nervous disorders.

This nervous sleep is something Olivia likes to describe as the “in-between space where your conscious mind quiets down and your subconscious becomes more open and receptive.” While hypnotherapy is essentially guiding clients while they are in this state, it’s less about fixing and more about reframing.

The most important thing to remember? You can’t really be “put under” the way we’ve seen on TV or poorly-built stages. True hypnotherapy, Olivia explains, requires consent, trust, and collaboration.

“I can absolutely understand why some people might feel concerned about the potential for manipulation in that situation, but from my perspective, that really has nothing to do with hypnosis itself,” she says. “What people are often afraid of in these scenarios — control, gaslighting, emotional manipulation — are dynamics that exist within emotionally abusive relationships, not within professional hypnotherapy.”

So is dating a hypnotherapist all that different from dating a person with any other kind of job? To get down to the nitty gritty, I spoke to hypnotherapist Citlali “Lali” Herrera, LCSW and her partner of seven years, Devon M.

Devon told me that while he didn’t have any specific sort of expectations when he first started dating Lali, he was slightly worried that, considering her line of work, his feelings and opinions would be brushed off as something he would have to deal with internally, rather than addressed by his partner.

But rather than that, he’s found a partner whose line of work has only made her more empathetic and grounded.

“My partner has been very transparent when she wants to put her ‘therapist hat’ on and I have never felt like our conversations were a therapy session,” he says.

And while some may assume that hypnotherapists like Jim and Lali would spill their practice into their everyday lives (including their romantic relationships, Lali explains that this couldn’t be further from her reality. “Like any good therapist, I have strong boundaries and don’t ‘therapize’ my friends or family,’ she tells Betches. “I support them, which is very different.”

Sure, the understanding of the subconscious mind that comes from her study and practice may influence how she relates to her partner, but not in the way that people would assume.

“It helps me stay aware of projections, patterns, and emotional triggers as they arise. But it doesn’t remove my humanness.”

When I asked Lali what she thought of the public concern that arose from Jennifer’s relationship announcement, she told me that she actually laughed out loud.

“Nobody can be hypnotized without wanting to be hypnotized. That’s not how hypnosis works,” she says. “It’s a state of deep focus and relaxation that a person willingly enters.”

“A true fan should trust Jennifer to make her own choices about who she loves — and give her more credit than to assume she’d be easily ‘controlled’ by anyone, hypnotherapist or not.”