If You Want To Relapse With Your Ex Like Rachel And Clayton, Here’s How To Do It The Right Way

I don’t know about you, but I LOVE Perfect Match. Do I think any of them are actually there to find true love? Eh, probably not — except for my sweet baby Freddie, who can do no wrong. The real tea is all those reality TV egos smushed into one villa. They’ve survived other dating shows, tasted fame, and most of them have real history with other semi-celebs.

But none of them have a history quite like Rachel Recchia and Clayton Echard.

The almost-engaged couple from The Bachelor Season 26 ran into each other at the Perfect Match villa, much to their mutual surprise. As two hot people with sexual history and a will-they-won’t-they dynamic to rival Ross and Rachel, they were left with the question: Should we get back together?

I asked relationship experts (plus some real-life ex-backtrackers) to weigh in on if it’s ever a good idea to get back together — and the steps to doing it successfully.

Did Rachel And Clayton Get Back Together?

Image Credit: ABC

To catch you up: Rachel and Clayton had one of the messiest breakups in Bachelor history — which is saying a lot. Clayton started Season 26 looking for a wife, and Rachel was one of the 30 women competing for roses.

After spending time with both Rachel and Gabby, Clayton went on his final fantasy suite date with Susie. He told her he was in love with her, and she responded by saying she couldn’t move forward if he had said the same thing — or slept with — anyone else. Unfortunately, he had done both, so Susie left.

Then, at the rose ceremony, Clayton told Rachel and Gabby he’d fallen in love with all three women and was “intimate” with both of them. So, yeah, that went well.

Clayton ultimately decided Susie was the one, dumping Rachel and Gabby at the same time. That didn’t work out. And despite both of them going on other Bachelor spinoffs, Rachel is still single.

Image Credit: Netflix

Cue Perfect Match. Clayton was shocked to see Rachel and started thinking this was fate. Apparently, fans had been saying for months that their connection was undeniable, and the noise got in his head. He convinced Rachel to give him a chance over other contestants, and she nervously agreed — despite admitting she was terrified of being hurt by him again.

He lasted one day. One. Day.

After getting a weird vibe during the kissing challenge, Clayton dumped her again. Stunning.

So… is this a fabled tale we should learn from? Should you get back with your ex — or let sleeping fuckboys lie?

Why Do You Even Want Your Ex Back?

Let’s be real: it’s rarely because they treated you like a queen.

“Honestly, a lot of it comes down to familiarity and convenience,” says dating expert Sabrina Zohar, host of The Sabrina Zohar Show. “We go back to what we know, even when what we know hurt us. It’s easier than being vulnerable with someone new.”

She adds, “Sometimes we want someone back because there was real potential that got derailed by timing or circumstances. But other times, we’re just romanticizing someone who was never actually good for us.”

But some exes don’t haunt us at all. Why do we get over some people easily while others live rent-free in our brains forever?

“Usually, we finally see them clearly,” Zohar says. “Their emotional unavailability, their disrespect, their inability to grow. Or we just outgrow what we thought we had.”

The Case Against Getting Back Together

If you tell the group chat you’re texting him again, you know they’re going to groan. There’s a reason everyone hates their name. We only want reunions the Bravo way.

“The harsh reality is that most people want to get back together because it’s familiar and easier than dating someone new,” Zohar says. “But familiar doesn’t mean good. If someone was emotionally unavailable, disrespectful, or couldn’t take accountability before, they probably still are. Love doesn’t magically fix character flaws.”

People often think it’ll work the second time because they’ve both changed. But… did you grow in the same direction?

“Be honest about the breakup pattern,” Zohar continues. “If you’ve done this dance multiple times, stop. The more intense and frequent the on-and-off cycle, the more your brain gets addicted to the chaos. You start craving the drama and reunion high, which isn’t love, it’s dysfunction.”

The Case For Getting Back Together

But you know what? Fuck the groupchat (I’m definitely getting kicked out for that one). It can work.

Zohar’s Golden Rule: “The only time I’d consider it is if the breakup was truly about external circumstances, like distance, bad timing, or life stresses, and both people have genuinely grown since then. But even then, you need to be brutally honest about whether those were the real issues or just convenient excuses.”

The real test: Do you miss them, or do you miss the idea of them?

Oof, that hit hard. Do you miss the potential of the person, being in a relationship, and the plans you once shared? Or do you miss their laugh, the silly goose times, and the whispered conversations in the middle of the night? That difference matters.

Sofie Roos, a sexologist and relationship therapist, agrees that sometimes, reconciliation works. “While many think getting back with an ex is doomed to fail, it can actually work, and whether it will turn out to be a catastrophe or become a beautiful love story often depends on the reason why you broke up in the first place.”

Roos agrees that if it was due to external circumstances — such as that the timing wasn’t right for you or that you were stressed or overall not ready for a relationship — “You have great chances of getting it to work the second time you try.”

So if it’s a matter of respect, communication, or constant arguing? Don’t do it, bestie. But if it’s physical distance, life situations, or timing, there could be hope. Although I can’t help but ask the age-old question: If they wanted to, they would…right?

Real People, Real Breakups

You guys had a lot to say about this one. Here are some real stories from people who got back with an ex — some ending in wedding bells, some in emotional carnage. (Names changed, because their exes don’t deserve any second-hand fame.)

Jess — The trust was broken

“He came crawling back when I got my light back, and we broke up a month later. He was a prick and a shit communicator,” Jess says. (How do they always know when our light is back?!)

Still, no regrets: “It showed me who he really was and left me with no questions.”

Connor — What if?

“We met at uni and I was young and actually wasn’t ready for my partner to like give me the love I deserved, honestly,” Connor admits. “We stopped talking completely for years! Then during COVID, we reconnected as friends, and once that happened, we admitted that we kind of always had ‘what if’ feelings about what we could’ve been.”

Connor expresses being more emotionally intelligent and ready for the relationship, and the pair is still together years after reconciling! It can work!!

Cassie — He had work to do

“The relationship didn’t end because of a lack of love, but because we needed to reflect and change behaviors — well, he did,” Cassie shares. “During the months we were broken up, I was a wreck. It was all I could talk about with my friends, it was on my mind 24/7, and I couldn’t study at all. So I don’t think I could’ve not gotten back together with him, it had to be done.”

But all that love apparently wasn’t enough in the end, as Cassie and her ex broke up about two years later. “I appreciate the part of me that agrees getting back together with him was a waste of time, but I also know I couldn’t have avoided it,” Cassie reflects. “So, although I don’t regret it, I think I now have the knowledge and experience to know that if it were to happen again, getting back together is just not the way to go.”

Brooke — Goodbye, rose colored glasses

For Brooke, the second time around allowed her “to eventually see him without rose colored glasses.”

“I finally saw that I was the one who idealized him and made him seem perfect, and in reality, he was just not ready, emotionally immature, and unavailable,” she explains.

Brooke feels she needed that second lesson to give her closure, but now she’s learned that she doesn’t need another person to give her closure, so she’d never repeat the mistake of getting back with an ex.

Carla — Now they’re ready

Carla and her partner met in their mid-twenties, but neither of them was ready for something serious. “He had some trust issues, and I had some attention-seeking issues,” she shares. They stayed in touch and gradually started spending more time together. Once they both hit a “less volatile stage in life,” they decided to define what was happening between them. Two years later, they’re living together.

Carla says she’s asked him more than once why it was different this time. His answer is always the same: “I was ready for what we now have.”

Maybe it can be that simple. Maybe we don’t have to punish ourselves for meeting someone great a little too soon.

Greg – A lot of groveling required

“I ended it because it was too soon after my previous relationship and I was overthinking everything,” Greg shares. “I knew I made a mistake, but I didn’t know how to undo it. I figured things would feel easier eventually, but months passed and I couldn’t stop missing her — or worrying that she’d found someone who appreciated her the way she deserved.”

Eventually, Greg reached out. They reconciled—though he admits it took a lot of groveling on his part. Three years later, Greg recently proposed, and their time apart is barely even a topic.

“In the scale of us, it’s such a minor blip. I know Katie* is who I want to spend my life with, and I’m glad I gave up ego or the other shit and made it work. And I’m fucking glad she took me back.” I told Greg I need to hear his vows, because honestly, even this made me tear up.

How To Get Back With An Ex

Look, I can give you expert advice. I can list every horror story. But let’s be real: if you want to get back with your ex, you probably will. And maybe you should — because sometimes, you need to know for yourself. I got back with an ex once, and while it didn’t work out, I think I would’ve always wondered. Would I do it again? Maybe not. But I also hate living with regrets.

So if you’re going to do it anyway, here’s how to avoid being Clayton and Rachel — and aim for Ross and Rachel. (Except this time, she goes to Paris.)

Start fresh

“Don’t pick up where you left off because where you left off was at a breakup. New boundaries, new expectations, new everything,” Zohar urges.

Go on a date before you commit to anything serious — it sounds obvious, but it matters. You can’t just slip back into the old relationship like a comfy hoodie. It might not fit anymore. No matter how much (or how little) time has passed, you’re different people now. If this is going to work, you need to build something new together.

What’s enough time apart?

Roos says there’s no perfect timeline, sadly.

“What matters is that both you and your ex get time and space to reflect about the relationship,” Roos explains. “What did go wrong and why, how would I like this relationship to turn out, and how can I become a better partner for my ex, as well as how can I help them to become a better partner for me?”

“So while some need to travel the world, study, try different jobs, and/or have many partners in between to get ready to get back with an ex, others just need a few weeks!” Roos reassures.

Bottom line: It’s not about time — it’s about growth.

Evidence is needed

A tale as old as time: I’ve changeeeeeed. I’m different noooooow. I can be the man you need, babyyyyyyy.

Sure. But show me the receipts.

“Both people need to show actual behavioral change, not just words,” Zohar insists. “If someone was emotionally unavailable before, what concrete steps have they taken? Therapy? Working on communication skills? If they were disrespectful, how are they showing they understand the impact and won’t repeat it?”

Clock is ticking

“Set a timeline and stick to it,” Zohar suggests. “Don’t let this drag on indefinitely while you ‘figure things out.” Either it works or it doesn’t.”

Translation: Don’t let this turn into a months-long gray area where you’re kinda-sorta back together but still unsure. You’re either in or you’re out — no situationship limbo allowed.

What’s new?

Zohar’s biggest tip? Pay attention to how they handle conflict now. Do they take accountability? Can they communicate without getting defensive? Because if those patterns haven’t changed, nothing else matters. You can’t do the same thing and expect a different result—you need some new variables in the mix if you want a different outcome.

Stand behind it

Let’s be honest: your friends and family probably aren’t thrilled about your reunion tour. They saw you at your lowest, post-breakup, and if you’re even thinking about getting back together, you were likely a wreck the first time around.

So if you’re both doing this, own it. Be all in. Make your decision loudly and proudly. They’ll either come around once they see how happy you are — or they’ll be ready with wine and tissues if it blows up again. And the right friends will never say, “I told you so,” even when they have every right to — trust me, I’ve been there.