What I’m Wearing To Thanksgiving To Keep Everyone From Asking About My Love Life

How have all of you been doing this Mercury Retrograde? Personally, I haven’t known peace since the beginning of November. This retrograde has been so disruptive—missed flights, sudden breakups, major miscommunications — that I don’t blame anyone for not wanting to discuss their personal lives over Thanksgiving dinner this year. Remember, retrograde ends on the 29th. If there was ever a moment to politely pretend you didn’t hear a question about your relationship status, it’s definitely now.

Even I’m feeling antsy about how to respond to the classic line of holiday questioning: “Are you thinking about kids?”; “Have you talked about getting engaged yet?”; “Do you think you’ll ever get your driver’s license?” Well, I don’t know, Aunt-I-Don’t-See-Unless-There’s-A-Very-Important-Family-Function.

I’m trying to find a new therapist, my screen time is embarrassing, and I’ve cried over two — yes, two — separate TikToks about Frankenstein this week. I’m simply not in a place to talk about my “future” or my “plans.”

This is where distraction dressing comes in. Distraction dressing, for those of you who don’t know, is the art of wearing something so over the top, so unexpected, so attention grabbing that your audience — in this case, your family — becomes far more interested in your outfit than your life choices, or lack thereof. The key here is to pick pieces that are interesting enough to get people talking, but relaxed enough that it doesn’t come across a cry for help. You can keep it simple (think statement tights, embellished skullcaps, opera-length gloves) or you can go bolder, depending on how much or how little you’re willing to talk this year.

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Need some inspiration? Don’t worry, I have some outfit ideas guaranteed to make your family forget every single question they have about your love life… or grad school… or whatever else you’re trying not to talk about this Thanksgiving.

• Deer print everything. I decided I’d start by addressing the elephant — er, fawn — in the room: Deer print is the new leopard print. I know, we’re all sick of seeing those memes of deer with some text saying, “this is who you’re asking to work” or something equally annoying, but I don’t think the deer print trend screams immature or chronically online if done well. This floor-length silk dress by SRG is a fun and elegant option, but I really love how Katie Holmes wore this deer-spotted chocolate brown Tory Burch shirtdress with burgundy tights and a little pink bag. You could even try these Wrangler bootcut fawn print jeans paired with a vintage tee or romantic blouse. Best case scenario, grandma will go on and on about how you look just like Bambi. Worst case scenario, your one uncle will talk at you about his recent hunting trip. But nobody will be asking for updates on the job hunt, which is a win.
• A cheetah-print pillbox hat + statement coat. Like Alex Consani, I’ve been hyper-fixated on Jennifer Lawrence’s street style, especially this look — a cheetah print pillbox hat with a moss-green coat and baggy pants. This is a super achievable, high-impact look that will get your grandpa talking about how your hat reminds him of Jackie Kennedy. This wool version is gorgeous, but I also love this faux-fur take on the trend. As far as green coats go, ASOS has a version with a dramatic funnel neck, but if you’re trying to recreate JLaw’s look exactly, go for this oversize slouch coat from Aritzia. Don’t forget a dual-toned scarf.
• A dramatic, floor-length fur coat. Most likely you’re going to be in someone’s living room drinking wine on the couch, so I don’t blame you if you decide to wear jeans and a cashmere sweater to Thanksgiving dinner. The problem here is that this outfit is too ordinary, which is what we’re trying to avoid. Add a floor-length fur coat—I prefer something vintage or secondhand, but I recommend this one from NA-KD—and a pair of pointed toe boots and you’ll have an interesting outfit that’s still comfortable. Yes, the coat stays on while watching football.
• Sabrina Carpenter-esque fur trim. Sabrina Carpenter has literally recreated looks from the iconic ‘90s TV show, The Nanny, and this is a fun and festive way to show your family that you STAND ON BUSINESS. Therefore, you actually don’t need to date anyone. Bonus points if you add in some big, ‘90s hair to level up the distraction.
• A flirty little mini dress. So the family’s been talking about how you need to find a man. The thing is, you don’t need one. In fact, you have several men on your roster right now, but that’s not something you’re going to talk about, because why the hell would you do that in the first place? Instead, you’re going to show that you’re a woman who can’t be tamed by wearing a flirty little mini dress. This black and red plaid option from Majorelle is great, but I’m also into these adorable little dresses from LOBA.
• When in doubt, grab a campy little bag. You might be questioning this one, but let me tell you—as the former owner of a little silk bag shaped like a pack of Marlboros and the current owner of a vintage red beaded bag, I can confirm that a bag can be a great distraction. This faux fur clutch from Zara looks like you’re carrying around some kind of woodland creature, but I’m also a fan of these 1920s drawstring bags and this playful espresso martini crossbody bag from Anthropologie. The adults might not get it, but the kids will be super into the strange thing hanging from your shoulder as you walk through the door, which means you get to go to the kids table to talk about the highs and lows of fourth grade instead of anything else.