Actually, Asking For A Prenup Is A Green Flag

I’m not sure when prenups got a bad name (though I have a feeling it could be right around when a certain song about gold diggers became the song of the next several years), but I’m here to lead the rebrand. A prenuptial agreement is a plan for how to split assets that basically stop either side from screaming, “Money me, money me, pleaseeeee!” should the couple face the big D one day. So what’s the drama with that? There’s a misconception that prenups are solely for old rich dudes who are worried about grave-robbing women using them for cash.

More than that, worried partners tend to get hung up on the fact that you sign the agreement prior to entering a marriage, somehow implying this means their soulmate is low-key signing them up for a future separation. That’s the anxiety Devin and his family keep hitting his fiancee Virginia with on Love Is Blind, for example. But prenups can be a lifesaver for more than the ultra-wealthy or commitment-phobes. Asking for a prenup is actually a green flag, and I can prove it.

prenuptial agreement

Is asking for a prenup a bad sign?

Asking for a prenuptial agreement is a great sign that your partner cares not only about themselves but also about you and your future, even with themselves out of the picture. When designed correctly, this contract doesn’t favor one side’s existing wealth, it protects both parties equally if the marriage goes south. This agreement can not only keep your previously hard-earned cash safe but also make sure any gains that happen in wedlock (especially if you are taking care of your kids to allow your partner to work) are split fairly.

Everyone thinks their love is going to last forever bc, duh, you’re getting married, but the reality is that divorce happens anyway (as much as 50% of the time in the US, mind you). Do you really think 50% of couples are walking into a marriage with the intention to let it blow up? Meanwhile, a poll conducted in 2022 showed that only 15% of marriages begin with a prenuptial agreement. This means there are way more divorces going down than prenups could possibly be responsible for, anyway.

How can you explain why a prenup is a good idea?

Here’s a bulletproof argument to present to your partner that I wish I could’ve texted my girl Virginia after Devin’s millionth time asking about how to break it down for his family: Does buying home insurance mean you think your house is going to burn down? Does paying your healthcare premium mean you think you’re going to drop dead from a rare disease tomorrow? Of course not!! Having a backup plan in case calamity strikes is what adults do in every aspect of life.

Deciding to spend the rest of your life with someone is a very emotional decision, but if marriage were solely about love, you wouldn’t be signing a marriage license with the state. Speaking of Uncle Sam, there are laws in every state dictating how property and profits will be split if you don’t override them with your own terms.

So ask yourself, are you going to let the government decide who keeps what in the event of a divorce? Do you really want the saddest and angriest versions of yourselves to be at the wheel (shelling out for expensive lawyers, BTW) when you can set boundaries with a level head ahead of time? Nope, didn’t think so.

How should I bring up a prenup to my fiancé?

A prenup is a normal part of planning the rest of your life! Take a deep breath and have the conversation just like you have (hopefully) discussed having children, where to live, and how often you expect your in-laws to visit. Bring it up when the moment is right before things get too serious, and definitely before they get down on one knee, so no one is surprised in the middle of wedding planning.