Is Sex Actually Better Without A Condom? Or Are Men Being Dramatic AF

Nothing is hotter than a man rushing to put on a condom. There, I said it. I’m absolutely sick of the opposite, where a man is waiting, waiting, waiting to see if he can get away without one. He’s testing your body language and inferring for any sign that you’ll allow him to enter without a Visa. “But you’re on birth control, right?” he’ll whine, becoming less attractive by the second. “But I got tested recently!” he’ll insist, without any inclination to show you said test results. Men act like a condom is a punishment inflicted upon them rather than a saving grace for us both. So, as I said, when a man will leap to his feet and run to gather his shield of honor, I am putty in their hands.

It turns out that this is a universal debate, as the most recent episodes of Love is Blind proved that even engaged couples are playing this latex tug of war. While Stephen was revealed to be a cheater, Tyler was revealed to be a deadbeat dad, and Nick can’t cook a pot of pasta (honestly, not even sure which is the worst crime), Ramses was VERY BRIEFLY looking like a strong contender. That was until the subject of birth control came up. Lube up for a dry ride.

Ramses hates rubbers, apparently.

Image Credit: Netflix

Ramses and Marissa have been very open about their FLOURISHING sex life, and it seems like, until now, that’s been done… a la raw dog, as the French would say. In their apartment during episode nine, the pair discuss birth control for seemingly the first time. I must interrupt to ask how that’s possible; I discuss birth control with anyone and everyone, let alone someone I might get engaged to or even someone I am having sex with. Anyway, okay, proceed.

The pair decide they want to wait a few years to have children, and Ramses is more firm on this than Marissa. She then expresses that she does not wish to return to birth control due to the impact it had on her. Marissa does not specify what she previously experienced, but as we all know, birth control side effects can include headaches, nausea, weight gain, acne, increased blood pressure, mood swings, and more joyful things!!!

Ramses initially seems supportive of this and says, “I mean, I don’t want you to do it if it’s gonna, like, affect you in terms of like your health and, like, your mood. I’ll just have to wear condoms or something, like.” Yay! The bar is, like, low, but yay!

When Marissa confirms that she wants to proceed with condom sex, Ramses pulls a face and asks incredulously, “Do you enjoy condom sex?” It goes downhill from there, my friends. Ramses’ neutral stance on condom sex somehow deteriorates to a hatred of it within minutes.

“It’s not really enjoyable, baby,” Ramses complains. “Sex is supposed to be like mutually enjoyable. That’s not something guys ever have the pressure to think about.” Imagine sex not being as enjoyable for one gender as the other!! Can you even imagine??

Marissa expresses that it’s condoms or nothing at all, hinting that she would be totally fine with a not-so-accidental pregnancy — think of your law school, girlboss!! But Ramses wants them to use birth control, and he wants that birth control not to be near his penis. Finally, he concludes, “We need to do what we need to do, but I need the sex to be enjoyable.” A lot of wiggle room there, sir.

I’ve experienced guys claiming that sex is better without a condom (*eye roll*), but this is the first time I’ve heard someone outright say that sex is TERRIBLE with one. Even with a full leather coat down there, I’m sure you’d derive some pleasure from intimacy with the person you love and intend to marry.

Furthermore, he is reducing sex to penetration. He claims sex is bad with condoms, completely negating everything else that goes into sex, such as oral and manual stimulation, kinky behaviors, dirty talk, foreplay, etc, etc. If this is his opinion of sexual pleasure, I do not want to be in bed with this man.

Real talk: is sex actually better without a condom?

Image Credit: Tero Vesalainen via Shutterstock

Okay, for a moment, we are going to place STDs and pregnancy to the side and just talk about the pleasure of sex without a condom. That’s not at all to undermine the importance of those, but we’re going hypothetical here. Is there much difference between protected and unprotected sex?

Research carried out at Indiana University found that “Men and women enjoy sex just as much with condoms as they do without.” This was deduced from a survey of 1,645 men and women aged 18 to 59 in the US who were asked about their use of condoms and lubricants during their most recent sexual encounters. According to the Journal of Sexual Medicine, researchers found little difference in whether couples rated their sex as arousing and pleasurable. Because the condom isn’t the important part, it just makes everyone feel safe so they can focus on the good stuff.

I asked Annabelle Knight, sex & relationships expert for Lovehoney, if there actually is a difference, as I and my coochie need to know.

“It can make a difference, but it really varies from person to person and how their body reacts to stimulation,” Knight explains. “Some people do notice a bit of difference and decrease in sensation with a condom, but it’s not necessarily a bad thing. The reduced sensitivity can actually help some people last longer, making the overall experience more pleasurable and drawn-out for both partners.”

Don’t mistake Knight for a Ramses-apologist, as she is a big fan of condoms (obviously). “At the end of the day, safe sex is sexy sex! Condoms are one of the best ways to protect against STIs and unwanted pregnancies, and they don’t have to be a mood killer at all,” she says.

“Keep the lines of communication open with your partner, experiment with different types of condoms and lubes, and maybe even throw in a toy or two,” she continues. “Remember, the journey is just as fun as the destination—so enjoy the ride.”

Safe sex is sexy sex!!!! I want that on a T-shirt.

If you think sex is terrible with a condom, you’re likely using the wrong ones

This is not an area to skimp on if you want to have good sex. I recently met a man who has a favorite brand and model of condoms. I found this to be quite an amusing thought, but he assured me that it’s quite common for men once they pass their twenties. He has found a brand that fits well, stays in place, and offers the best sensation. Winner, winner.

If the shoe or condom doesn’t fit, then find one that does. I refuse to believe that there isn’t a condom out there that won’t allow sex to be more pleasurable for prophylactic haters like Ramses. The options are overwhelming. I recently went to the dedicated aisle of the drugstore and felt absolutely floored by all of the possibilities. It was like being a child in a candy store. Only instead of cola fizzers and licorice, there’s ribbed, flared, textured, non-latex, and flavored — one day, I’ll tell you a funny story about the time I accidentally tried bubblegum condoms.

Annabelle couldn’t agree more and says, “Safety from STIs and unwanted pregnancies should always come first, and these days, condoms come in such a variety of styles that you can easily find one that enhances your pleasure. There are ultra-thin options that almost feel like nothing’s there, or textured condoms that add extra fun. Why not experiment with a few and find the perfect one for you? Lovehoney’s thin feel condoms are a great place to start!”

She also suggests Ramses try a sex toys like a vibrating cock ring, so if someone could let him know!!

It’s 2024, and I am not accepting the whine about condoms. Do you know what’s not pleasurable? Chlamydia. Abortions. Hormone-induced mood swings. Adult acne. Hooking your cervix and forcefully insert a T-shaped plastic device (proud IUD wearer here). Actually care about your female partner’s choices when it comes to protection, and have better sex. Hating condoms is giving fifteen-year-old adolescents energy, and it’s a mood killer. Let’s hope Marissa sticks to her guns on this one, or Ramses learns where to shop for his equipment. Don’t forget: If you’re not going to sack it, go home and whack it.