When It Comes To Wedding Budgets, I’m A Fan Of FWR (Frivolity Within Reason)

My project-manager fiancé, financially savvy late mother and frugal maid of honor would hate this hot take but…I think there are a lot of convincing arguments for making exceptions to your wedding budget.

Let me begin by saying that while I’ve been to more than 30 weddings, watched a million wedding reality TV shows, learned the average US wedding is about $35,000 and straight up asked married friends what they paid, I still had no idea how much a wedding would cost as I began to plan mine.

I knew, of course, the vast range of possibilities, from budget weddings and elopements, to mid-tier weddings and over-the-top blowouts, but I didn’t have a full grasp on how quickly the nuptial necessities added up. This meant my fiancé and I had to come up with a number based on what was realistic for us financially and what might hopefully cover everything we desired for an epic 125-guest celebration — then pray to the matrimony/money gods for those two things to align.

After educating ourselves a bit more about viable vendors and doing some serious money math, we landed on a budget, and worked backwards to ensure that amount would cover the Big Five — Dream Venue, Catering/Bar, DJ, Video/Photo & Florals — with some wiggle room left for the medium-sized must-haves (dress, cake, officiant, hair/makeup, wedding bands, etc.). My fiancé was quite adamant on following the parameters we established for ourselves, and I vowed to do my very best to adhere.

Narrator: The bride did not, in fact, adhere.

Listen, the “etc.” is perhaps where I went awry.

Image Credit: Shutterstock

As we locked in our major players, and rounded out the details of our big day, there were a few discoveries I made in the wedding planning process that gave pause to how I’d spent our money so far. While I’d accounted for the necessities and beyond (with some room for error), I didn’t account for All the Fun Things That Would Make the Wedding Even More Memorable. Like, for example, the Champagne Dress I saw and had to have for cocktail hour. And the Disco Ball Wall that was begging to be our photo backdrop. And the guest portrait painter! And custom cookies! And hiring a day-of coordinator, who wasn’t in the original plan!

Our budget allowed for some of these extras, but not all, so my fiancé and I spent a lot of time repeating our respective signature lines: “We should totally just go for it because we’re only going to get married once!” and “There’s a reason we have a budget.” (No need to guess who said which line.)

It’s a truth universally acknowledged that every good relationship is made up of One Mostly Responsible Human and One Wild Animal, and with our powers combined, we managed to figure out a way to make The Fun Things happen in the name of love and YOLO and financial sacrifices elsewhere.

(I realize “We’re only getting married once!” is a gateway drug for a budget to spiral out of control, so please consult your partner before doing any strenuous overspending.)

Image Credit: Shutterstock

Overall, my best advice is to create a budget that accounts for discoveries you might make while wedding planning. And keep track as you go along, communicating any updates and hiccups with your partner so that you two make it to the altar intact. I found The Knot’s Wedding Budget Checklist super helpful as a starting point for my own Google Sheet. Another excellent financial tip? Using the budget-friendly vendor Facebook groups I mentioned in last month’s newsletter. (If you want to splurge on an oyster bar but that means cutting your floral budget by $1k, the FB groups are the place to make that happen.)

I know it’s a privilege to push the boundaries of a budget, but as a 40-year-old woman who’s been attending weddings for more than half my life, never knowing if I’d have one of my own, I feel this sense of FWR (Frivolity Within Reason) about our big day — especially because both of us are paying for this on our own. I have always loved the thrill of a big, fun wedding and the party energy and the joyous surprises that come with it, and that’s exactly how I want to celebrate the absolutely stunning feat of getting to spend forever with the love of my life. (With a Champagne Dress, naturally!)

There are plenty of people I know who would rather spend their money in other ways—on stocks, on a house, on a sick honeymoon, or, more realistically: just simply trying to exist in 2024. If you’re eloping, having a microwedding or getting married in any way that saves big bucks, I applaud you. That’s awesome. It’s a reminder that the best part of planning a wedding is choosing to celebrate your love exactly how you (and your bank account) see fit.

I will always be the best/worst kind of person to ask if you should do something a little spendy and over-the-top because I will probably say, “If you’re excited about it, if you can’t stop thinking about it, if it’s going to make the best day even better, absolutely go for it.” But I would follow that up with a stern warning that should supersede any FWR: no one should go into debt for a wedding.

Sara’s fiancé was contacted for comment but Sara said he couldn’t come to the phone right now.