Is Once A Cheater, Always a Cheater True? We Got Experts To Weigh In

No one was shocked when human cockroach Tom Scandavol – sorry– Sandoval’s new girlfriend Victoria Lee Robinson claimed he cheated on her. More were shocked that the karaoke band frontman could even pull a girl who once dated Leonardo DiCaprio. Especially given this worm with a mustache’s history. As VPR fans know, Tom first cheated on Kristen Doute with Ariana Madix, before cheating on Ariana with Raquel Leviss (sorry, I will never call her Rachel, that name is reserved for goddesses like Rachel Green and her iconic haircut).

Victoria has since backtracked on the allegations, but whatever — regardless, Tom is not the first and definitely not the last public figure to get caught in a cheating scandal — more than once. Britney Spears claimed in her memoir Justin Timberlake cheated on her before painting her as the homewrecker in his “song,” “Cry Me A River.” Then in 2019, JT was caught in another cheating scandal with his wife Jessica Biel after flirty photos of him holding hands with his Palmer co-star surfaced. Ramen Hair justified his actions in a statement claiming he “drank way too much,” which is interesting because five years later after getting a DWI, he would claim he actually only had “one martini”…..WHICH IS IT?!

Is the saying true: Once a cheater, always a cheater?

How likely is it for a cheater to cheat again?

According to stats, pretty likely! Cheaters are three times more likely to cheat again, according to a University of Denver study by Psychology Professor Kayla Knopp. Men are 7% more likely to cheat than women, and marriage doesn’t necessarily stop cheating as 15 to 20% of married couples cheat and only 24% of marriages stay together after a cheating scandal! ‘Til cheating do us part, I guess!

Liz Nissim-Matheis, Ph.D., a clinical Psychologist, told Betches there is “some truth” to “once a cheater always a cheater” because cheating is a behavioral pattern. “Some people repeat their patterns, especially when there’s a reinforcement of that pattern,” Nissim-Matheis explained, adding how someone with a narcissistic personality disorder *cough* most celebrities *cough* are more likely to cheat because of their need for consistent supply from multiple sources. This is why it is common for a narcissist to be married and simultaneously have a whole other relationship on the side.

But Brianna Paruolo, psychotherapist and clinical director at On Par Therapy NYC, told Betches that assuming a cheater will always be a cheater is a “massive generalization and risks oversimplifying human behavior. Of course, we can look at past behaviors and incidences that can predict future patterns, but it isn’t 100% determined always to be this way.”

Are public figures more likely to cheat?

Or are they just more likely to get caught since they have less privacy and it’s hard to tell who really has your back and who’s looking to sell your story to a tabloid? While Nissim-Matheis isn’t sure if celebrities are more likely to cheat than us normies, she does think celebrities cheat as “a form of bringing attention to themselves to keep themselves relevant and trendy,” and that the opportunity of cheating might be “more available” to celebrities because of their money and fame.

Why do cheaters cheat?

Fame or not, cheating often stems from specific circumstances such as high-stress environments or power dynamics, said Paruolo, adding, “It is better to understand the patterns of behavior and what drives a person to engage in this way.” Cheating often happens due to “a search for self, looking for another identity by outwardly seeking another person. Cheating can be a result of a personal crisis or time of transition.”

Cheating can also happen when one or both partners don’t feel like their needs are being met, so they seek validation and affection from someone outside of their relationship. “Sometimes, this helps to bring attention to the gaps in the relationship and becomes a source of moving forward and working in the area areas that have become weak in the relationship,” Nissim-Matheis said.

Can a cheater change its cheating stripes?

Never say, never, right Justin Bieber? Sure, anything is possible, but it takes work. According to Paruolo, you want to make sure the cheater is willing to be transparent and take full responsibility for their actions and shows a change in their behavior patterns which can be a sign of growth. But, “just because you can accept and bring a level of understanding, it doesn’t mean you have to excuse the hurt it has brought on,” Paruolo said, adding that rebuilding broken trust takes time and honest dialogue about what happened, while focusing on your new relationship instead of restoring the old one.

“Just because you admitted to something does not mean that someone should just ‘get over it.’ Allow the partner who was cheated on the space to process and understand what they might need, which might include working with a couples therapist or each individual speaking to a professional,” Paruolo said, while Nissim-Matheis warned, “Sometimes, cheaters will promise to not cheat again, but will do so in a moment of temptation or because of the thrill of being able to hook someone in based on their charm or looks or personality.”

So yes, there is a chance a cheater might cheat again, because once an asshole, always an asshole, IMO. So stay safe out there and maybe don’t give mid white male singers who are beneath you a chance.