The Ultimate Rulebook For Hooking Up In College

Ah, college. A time for self-discovery and learning — and no, I’m not talking about your Intro to Chem class. We all know that college is notoriously known for being a breeding ground for hormones, sex, and experimentation. For a lot of us, it’s our first time having sex, and for others, it’s the place where we learn to really let our freak fly. Either way, the typical plan for college is to really put those twin-sized beds to use.

As I’ve gotten closer to my 30s, I’ve become more firm in my belief that the healthiest sexual exploration comes in your late 20s. But having previously been the owner of an 18 to 22-year-old brain, I know that no one can talk a college student out of getting down and dirty. So, if you are going to explore all of the wonders of hooking up, I want to at least make sure you’re doing it equipped with everything you’ll need to have the most satisfying and safe sex life — which is condoms, lube, and this extensive list of sex rules for hooking up in college. You’ll thank me later.

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1. Always keep condoms on you — but be weary if they don’t have a stash of their own.

You should always be prepared, but so should your sexual partners. If you notice that you’re always the one providing the condoms, rethink your arrangement.

2. If they don’t speak to you in the dining hall, they don’t deserve to be in your bed.

We’re not sleeping with people who don’t respect us.

3. The communal showers are not romantic.

Shower sex can be super hot, but not in your dorm. It’s awkward, uncomfortable, and very weird for the other people who live in your building.

4. If they’re “not looking for a relationship,” believe them.

If you start liking your hookup, speak up and get your answer quickly. If they’re not looking for anything more but you are, cut them loose.

5. Always pee after sex — you can cuddle later.

Taking exams with a UTI is not fun. Trust me.

6. If you can’t tell your bestie about it, don’t do it.

Your BFF would never judge you. So anything you have to hide from them is really not a good idea.

7. Don’t be that roommate.

Check your roommate’s schedule and make sure they know when the room is occupied. And make sure you’re not hogging it!

8. Shower before and after.

Dorms are gross. You don’t have to be.

9. If they don’t text you immediately after a hookup, block them and move on.

Let’s agree to at least the bare minimum, okay?

10. Lube, lube — oh and more lube.

This will be a lifesaver. Oh, and stay hydrated. Proper hydration keeps your body (and vaginal tissues) happy, healthy, and elastic.

11. Don’t get handcuffed to your dorm bed.

Sure, experiment — but let’s be mindful of where you are. Try explaining that one to your RA.

12. Get a sex playlist.

One, sex playlists are great. Two, you shouldn’t be subjecting the whole floor to hearing your moans.

13. Don’t sleep with your friends.

I promise it never works out.

14. If you don’t feel comfortable asking them to get tested, you shouldn’t feel comfortable sleeping with them.

Learn early on that you should never risk your sexual health, no matter how hot they are.

15. Only skip class once for sex.

I’ll let you have the one time because, hey, it’s college, and it’ll make for a great story. But two times? Focus on school.

16. Don’t fuck them if they have different politics than you.

I promise the sex will be so much better if they care about other people.

17. If you have to choose between sleep and mediocre sex, choose sleep.

Pulling an all-nighter for someone who can’t even make you cum? Wrong.

18. Speaking of: never fake an orgasm.

Don’t fall victim to this awful charade — it typically starts in college!

19. Oh, and don’t fuck someone who doesn’t make you orgasm.

What’s the point?

20. If you’re not sure if you want to hook up with them, masturbate first.

It’ll give you a clearer head.

21. Drunk decisions are sober regrets.

Let’s try to avoid drunken hookups.

22. Don’t sleep with stupid people.

It’s just not worth it.

23. Save the sex tapes for when you’re a little older.

Listen, I love a good sex tape, but let’s wait til our frontal lobe is developed for this one.

24. One-night stands aren’t worth it.

This may be a hot take, but I will stand by it. Sex is usually only enjoyable when it’s with someone who at least gives a fuck about you.

25. If it’s not fun, don’t do it.

College is about figuring out what you like and what makes you feel good, and the cool part is it’s pretty easy to figure out which is which. As soon as sex gets uncomfortable or bad, stop it.