Sheryl Lee Ralph Doesn’t Want To Live With Her Husband And I Can Relate

When it comes to relationships, it really is “different strokes for different folks.” But as soon as you let the public in on intimate details about your relationship, they have no hesitation in sharing everything they find wrong with it. And Sheryl Lee Ralph telling the world that she and husband live separately is no exception.

Sheryl has been an icon in her own right for decades. She’s recently reminded everyone what an absolute queen she is in her recent role as Barbara Howard in Abbott Elementary. And while she’s mentioned that she and her husband (Senator Vincent J. Hughes) live apart before, in a recent interview she doubled down on how much her living arrangements work for them.

“He has his own life. I have my own life. He has his own real career, I have my own real career. He has his light to stand in, I have my light to stand in. He is not looking at me thinking about status or this or that. He’s doing his thing. I get to do my thing,” she told People emphatically.

Of course, the internet had thoughts. People quickly fled to Twitter and TikTok to share their theories on why they think the couple lives apart, along the lines of, “They must be in an open relationship” and/or “They’re headed for divorce.” Because, of course, no one can fathom that someone might be happy in a relationship that doesn’t adhere to societal expectations.

Well, I’m here to say that Sheryl isn’t alone — I have always pictured myself living separately from my life partner. Whether that means having separate bedrooms or individual addresses really just depends on my financial situation.

Image Credit: Monica Morgan via Getty Images

I hate to bring up Carrie and Big’s relationship (they should be no one‘s relationship goals), but in the episode when Carrie decides to keep her apartment as a place she can go a few days a week so she and Big can get some space… it kind of spoke to me. Sure, Big coerced her into doing that because he absolutely hated her, but still — the idea of having my own space separate from my partner kind of sounds like a dream.

Hear me out: I have lived alone since I was 22. I don’t like sharing my space with people for too long (especially my bathroom). And while I hope to find someone I not only tolerate but love being around in the future, I don’t know if it’ll ever be enough to want someone in my space 24/7. So when I learned that some couples didn’t sleep in the same bed together, my interest was definitely piqued. And when people like Sheryl come forward and talk about their separate living arrangements from their spouses, I feel so seen.

When you get into a relationship — even if it is one as serious as marriage — your life doesn’t end. That’s not to say that living with another person means that it does end, but you can still want your individuality even when you have a wedding ring on your finger. For some people (including myself), maintaining that individuality means having your own space.

Aside from not wanting to live with a boy, I like the idea of having my own place to hang out with my friends, decorate without compromise, and just recluse when I feel like being alone. And if that can’t be in the form of a separate rent-controlled apartment in New York, I at least want it to manifest as my own bedroom. Does that mean I want an open relationship? Fuck no — just like Sheryl’s arrangement doesn’t say anything about her marriage except that she does things a little differently.