Unpacking The “We Listen And We Don’t Judge” Couples Trend To Breakup Pipeline

I’ve come to learn that TikTok couple trends aren’t just for watching people in relationships do “cute” things on social media, it’s our way of sussing out what couples actually shouldn’t be together. And if you’ve seen the latest “we listen and we don’t judge” trend, you’d know that there are apparently a lot of couples on TikTok that fit into this category.

What Is The “We Listen And We Don’t Judge Trend”?

The point of this trend is to confess little, funny things to your partner that you know they might judge you for — like your boyfriend telling you he’s been secretly using your expensive shampoo because it smells so good, or your girlfriend admitting that outfit she bought was a little (or a lot) more expensive than she told you it was. And for couples that are actually in healthy relationships, this is exactly what that trend is. Both people start off by saying “we listen and we don’t judge” in unison and then take turns owning up to these cute and hilarious but harmless secrets. But for a lot of the couples I’ve seen on my timeline, this trend is anything but cute.

This Trend Is Not For All Couples

If you’re using this trend as an opportunity to tell your partner that you lie about what you’re doing to avoid helping them when they’re super stressed out, that you dream about having sex with other people they’d be upset about… and then continue to have sex with your partner right after said dreams, or that you thought they were ugly when you first met (yes, these are all things people actually said to their partners… on camera), then it’s time you switch off that ring light and have a very honest discussion with your partner.

Do you know how many times I’ve gotten secondhand embarrassment from TikTok couples trying this trend? Because we need to get real for a second. Are you guys not hearing yourself when you record these videos? I’ve heard couples admit absolutely awful things to each other like they read their journal (internal scream) or that they reuse old anniversary paragraphs from previous relationships (!!!). I know, I thought I was being punked, too. I’m not sure if you couples realize this, but these aren’t funny or cute. They just make me sad for everyone involved and honestly? A little grateful that I’m not in a relationship.

If you’re using a TikTok trend as an opportunity to basically admit that you don’t care about your partner’s needs and that you lie to them constantly to avoid spending time with them, it’s really not a good omen for your future together. And then you can’t get mad at people (like me) for forming strong opinions on your relationship because you were the one who wanted to put your dirty laundry out there in the first place!

My only advice to TikTok couples is this: Take a breather before you hit record and really think about your relationship before you hop on this trend. Do you notice that you and partner kind of just don’t like each other? Do your family and friends get uncomfortable around you two sometimes? Do you find yourself literally hiding from your partner so you don’t have to be around them? If you answered yes to any of these questions, stop recording and start breaking up. Or if you don’t break up (even though I really think you should), just please don’t subject me to witnessing your awful relationship on my FYP.