Unfortunately, There’s A Double Standard To The “Sticky Eyes” Trend

Dating apps are hard, but sometimes, dating in IRL (or at least trying to) is even harder. When this is the case, you might find yourself leaning on some of the flirting and dating techniques that happen upon you as you’re scrolling through TikTok — the issue then becomes deciding what advice is actually going to help you versus what tips may just propel you even further into your singleness. And when it comes to the latest “sticky eyes” trend, it really is a toss-up.

What Is The ‘Sticky Eyes’ Trend?

The whole idea is to keep your eyes stuck on someone whose attention you want. And no, I don’t mean staring at them for a bit and then looking away shyly. The point of “sticky eyes” is to keep your eyes fixated on your target, no matter how long or uncomfortable you (or they, apparently) get — at least until they decide to approach you. The trend was started by TikTok user Chelsea Anderson, who said doing this is guaranteed to get you a date.

According to Hily dating and relationships expert Dr. Marisa T. Cohen, PhD, LMFT, there’s some real psychology that speaks to the legitimacy of this technique. Dr. Cohen explains that “sticky eyes” essentially work for three reasons: it indicates interest (I mean, why else would you be staring at someone… you know unless you wanted to kill them), it signals vulnerability (you’re definitely putting yourself out there) and it enhances communication (the longer you look at someone, the better you can read their emotional cues).

“Eye contact enhances the emotional intimacy between people and can help a budding relationship grow,” Dr. Cohen says. “With the transition from in-app to in-person, eye contact becomes increasingly more important to help deepen a relationship.”

What’s Wrong With The “Sticky Eyes” Trend?

Don’t get me wrong: I am a big fan of the whole “sexy eye contact” thing. Once I get a few drinks, my eyes become pretty sticky. If I find someone cute across the bar, I eye-fuck them. But there’s a difference between that and “sticky eyes.”

I understand all the science behind eye contact and why it’s great for establishing interest, but let’s remember the context of the real world. As a woman, if a man is staring continuously at me without stopping… my first thought is that he wants to kill me. And 100% of the time? I’ve deemed he’s a creep. And although I hate to admit it, if this man is not conventionally super attractive, it might not work out well for him.

Think of it from a man’s perspective, too — it is all about who you deem attractive. Men aren’t great, and if someone they don’t think is attractive is staring at them from across the bar, I imagine he’ll do more than awkwardly ignore it.

Also, I’m from Jersey. If you stare at someone, you’re looking to get cursed out — or worse.

So, to make sure the “sticky eyes” technique doesn’t land you in a “sticky” predicament, Dr. Cohen suggests reading the situation before trying this technique out. “Eye contact should be reciprocal, meaning that two people are looking at one another, creating a joint experience,” she says. “This requires a certain level of vulnerability, and it can be very uncomfortable if one person is staring in a way that is uninvited.”

This is why she says that if you notice that the other keeps breaking eye contact by looking away, you should probably get the hint that they’re uncomfortable.

“The goal is to have an interpersonal experience, not one person imposing on the other,” Dr. Cohen says. “So it’s not actually about what is being done, but about the interpersonal connection created.”