As a woman who appreciates a splash of spice, a dose of drama in her Olympic Games, Mr. Starla Holm Lægreid (the Norwegian biathlete who publicly confessed to cheating on his GF) is already the highlight of Milano Cortina 2026 for me. There are few things in life more satisfying than watching a grown man wail about his relationship fuck-up on national television. I hope his ex had a good giggle with the girls over that one.

These first few days of the Olympics have been a riveting and emotional journey, to say the least. From Starla’s scandalous confession to Tomas-Llorenc Guarino Sabate’s Minions music rights saga to “Quad God” Ilia Malinin’s show-off flips, I find myself increasingly mesmerized by chilly sporting events. Who knew skiing and skating were basically reality TV? We kind of need Andy Cohen to host a post-games reunion, because I have questions. Walk with me as I process the genuinely thrilling highlights of Milano Cortina 2026 week one.

Winter Olympics 2026 Highlights

Norwegian Biathlete Sturla Holm Lægreid Confesses To Cheating On His GF

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My guy wins a gold medal for drama. (Yeah, yeah, I’m aware he also won an actual bronze medal for the men’s 20km individual event. Not as exciting.) Moments after his success, Starla brought a surprising vibe to the function: complete despair. “Six months ago I met the love of my life. The world’s most beautiful, sweetest person. And three months ago I made the biggest mistake of my life and cheated on her,” he admitted, fighting back tears. “I’m not quite sure what I’m trying to say by saying this now, but sport has taken a back seat in recent days. I wish I could share this with her.” Hmm, it’s almost like he could’ve avoided losing her.

The ex-girlfriend has now responded, and she’s not falling for the drama king act, I fear. “It’s hard to forgive (him),” she told Norwegian outlet VG. “Even after a declaration of love in front of the whole world. I didn’t choose to be put in this position, and it’s painful to have to endure it. We’ve been in contact, and he’s aware of my feelings about this.” Happy to see this queen protecting her peace.

Getting To Know “Quad God” Ilia Malinin And His Signature Flip

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You’ve probably heard there’s a Benson Boone of figure skating and his name is Ilia “Quad God” Malinin. Yup, the already-legendary 21-year-old American skater appears to be flipping his way to a gold medal. Kidding, kidding. The flips don’t even count for real points… just aura points. The youngin had a pretty epic start to the competition, scoring 108.16 in the short program and soaring to the top of the leaderboard, way ahead of his opponents. For the record, I’m really enjoying this transition from hyperfixating on ice hockey lovers to hyperfixating on an actual professional skater. What a treat.

Spanish Figure Skater Tomas-Llorenc Guarino Sabate’s Minions Music Campaign

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Twenty-six-year-old Tomas-Llorenc Guarino Sabate says he uses the Minions as a way to express himself, and he’s so real for that. I too am 26 and lean on nostalgic media for emotional support. All season, he’s been skating to a fan-fave soundtrack that opens with the Minions laughing, but last week, he was suddenly told he’s not allowed to use the music. The audacity! Fortunately, the internet randomly rallies around delightfully low-stakes causes sometimes, and this was one of those times. Tomas-Llorenc swiftly garnered a wave of support on social media as he campaigned for Pharrell to give him the rights, and the approval did ultimately come through. Minions x skating fans can finally exhale. A powerful movement, indeed.

Alt-Grunge Icon Alysa Liu Returning From Retirement And Winning A Gold Medal

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When I grow up, I wanna be insanely cool alt-girl gold medalist Alysa Liu. The striped hair? The tooth gems? The leopard-print tights? Obsessed. (Except, I would have to go back in time, ’cause she’s only 20 years old.) The Team USA figure skater actually retired at 16, and thank god she decided to come back, because watching her routine to “Promise” by Laufey is scientifically proven to boost your serotonin levels. Alysa casually snagged gold in her comeback season and got so excited that she accidentally broke the medal shortly after receiving it — the mishap is documented on TikTok, of course. Beyond thrilled for my new parasocial pal and can’t wait to see all her future fits and routines!

Team Poland’s Pierogi Plushie

This is more of a side note, but I do think I’m more emotionally attached to Team Poland’s pierogi plushie than any of the athletes. My apologies. She wins the whole Olympics — it’s over.