New York’s hottest club was… My Bachelorette Party! This party had EVERYTHING: table dancing, decadent food, day drinks, huge boats (ok, a public ferry), martinis, more amazing food, plenty of time to sleep in, plenty of time to scroll, low-key brunch, nonstop yapping and even a gratuitous photoshoot with FDNY firefighters. Hot.

As a ‘tini connoisseur, my party’s theme was “Sara’s getting martini’d!” with the tagline “Olive, laugh, love,” but the REAL theme here was NO STRESS. I wanted the weekend to be something everyone enjoyed, with an amazing itinerary that included generous room for error. I think that’s the key to a good party — keeping it tight enough to feel like it’s organized and loose enough to temper any disappointment if things don’t go as planned.

Via the last newsletter (where I discussed more realistic party themes) and via @BetchesBrides, I asked for any Qs you might have about planning a ‘rette, both mine specifically and in general.

Here’s what we’ve got:

Bachelorette Party Q&A

Geri asked: Where do you even begin in planning? We have a location (Austin), an airbnb & our flights but now what?

Begin with: a loose itinerary! Make a Google doc that can be updated in real time and linked for easy access. Include: when everyone arrives, the details of housing and transportation, some ideas for Friday night reservations, ideas for Saturday, outfit suggestions, what the departure plan might be, etc. This doc should serve as THE source of truth and information for the entire weekend. You don’t have to have every detail figured out — let your friends comment in the doc if they have brunch or activity suggestions. This ultimately prevents everyone scrolling up for hours in the group chat looking for answers. It’ll be easy to fill in the missing puzzle pieces after that! And no one can text, “What time does the boat leave on Saturday?” because the answer will almost always be: “It’s in the doc!”

Helena asked: How did you plan outfits and how did you tell everyone what to wear without seeming like it was a threat?

I tried to make outfit planning more of a fun feature than a demand. The big instructions were: something black, something white, something sparkly, and everyone had fun deciding how to make that work best for them. Here’s how I executed some loose ‘fit suggestions:

Night one: “The Party Coven.” It’s giving witch. It’s giving chic. It’s giving all black everything.

Day two – afternoon: “Swipe White.” It’s giving bridal. It’s giving “Who will spill first?”

Day two – night: “Disco Balls to the Wall.” It’s giving sparkles. It’s giving let’s make the whole place shimmer. (It’s mostly giving lit.)

Sunday: “Hangover Chic.” Wear whatever you want; I’m just happy we’re alive!

Valerie asked: Re: the pics you posted [on IG], I didn’t see a single penis accessory. Not your thing?

Not to be a dick about it, but I had no qualms giving penis paraphernalia the shaft. Although it may sound a little cocky, as a member of the 40-year-old club, my days of phallic straws, blow-up wieners and silly “Pecker Inspector” badges ended quite some time ago. But don’t get hung up on my headstrong, prickly opinions. You’d be nuts not to do things exactly how you want to!

Kim asked: Who plans a bachelorette weekend/party if you aren’t doing a bridal party!?

You! There is nothing wrong with planning your own party. I am such a stickler for specifics and a princess for particulars, it just made sense for me to be like: this is what I’m thinking, and I hope everyone’s on board. That doesn’t mean you can’t take advice, feedback and help from those you’re celebrating with; it means you’re planning something you want to do, and your besties should be down for the ride. (Depending on what it is, of course.) You can let people in your group choose restaurants or activities to get everyone involved but it’s perfectly okay to take control in a way that will ultimately create less stress instead of more.

Dana asked: If I spend thousands of dollars on your bach trip, do I have to give you a wedding gift? Single household income over here!

My hot-take is: Absolutely not. You have already spent a good chunk on bridal party necessities (plane tickets, hotels, bachelorette paraphernalia, etc.), you do not have to get me anything beyond that. With most of my friends and family out of state anyways, we made it clear on our registry that your presence is truly the best present. In other words, if you can’t swing the Le Creuset I’m lusting after, that’s FINE. I just want to sip champagne with you and dance all night. I’d encourage brides to let their bridal parties know you don’t expect an additional gift. (Unless, of course, you do.)

Samantha asked: Help!! Where do we go for an affordable Bach Trip for 8 ladies?! I can’t decide on a location because I feel like everything is so expensive every which way we look. How do I make things doable for my ladies but not do a slumber party at my house? Xx, A Cost-Conscious-Bride-Stuck-In-Inflation-Times

I think the most affordable thing you can do is decide to have your party in or near a city where most of your party people live, in order to save on plane tickets/transportation/hotels. I know that might not sound nearly as fun as something like Palm Springs or France, but while a location can add to the fun, it certainly won’t take away from it! The ultimate goal is to spend quality time hanging with your favorite friends. Another hot tip for cheaper travel: have your party in a destination’s off-season, when rates and fares are lower. Also, someone invented the idea of a bachelorette party lasting three days and we all just ran with it. Feel free to make it one very special night!! Especially if you’re keeping it local.

Mary asked: How did you choose location and execute the “we’re older and trying to have a good time, not die” theme? Haha my sisters and friends’ bachelorettes were a lot more drink-and-party heavy. I would want some partying but with mixed with a chill wine night.

New York City was the best place for me to have my party because it’s where I spent most of my 20s and 30s, and I needed to rightfully honor my single years as such. That being said, NYC is a nonstop entertainment fest and it’s hard to balance wanting to go everywhere and drink everything and dance in every neighborhood and also wanting to sit around with your favorite people and just sip, yap and scroll. But, I do believe women can have it all! Here’s my thoughts on how to manage party expectations and partying for a weekend trip. Friday night, go medium-hard. Let loose. Do not plan anything on Saturday until 3pm. Let people spend the morning doing whatever they want. Have a late-afternoon darty (day party) and see where it leads. Have a fun dinner, some post-dinner drinks. Be in bed by midnight. Sunday, engage in a very chill brunch situation, then set everyone free. The end. Everyone leaves feeling like there was plenty of group-hang downtime and tons of fun “bottoms up!” time.

Leah asked: What was in the “hangover kits” you made?

Very important question! All of life’s necessities: mini packets of Advil, Z-Biotic bottles (pre-drinking prep), Alka Seltzer, my favorite face mask, mini makeup remover wipes, Rhode lip gloss (splurge!), gold under-eye masks, Tums (most important), all in a very cute But Did You Die? bag. Most items linked here.