Milliseconds after I saw Twitter clips of Justin Bieber doing YouTube karaoke to his old smash hits at Coachella, I mentally prepared myself for The Discourse. “He doesn’t deserve the headline slot,” “He doesn’t wanna be there,” “He didn’t put in any effort,” yada yada yada. But if we’re being so for real, that man could sit criss-cross applesauce and sing the ABCs at the damn Super Bowl, and zillennial/millennial women all over the world would still be mesmerized. At the end of the day, talent is talent, Bieber Fever is a chronic ailment, and 20+ years in the industry equals you can kinda do whatever TF you want.
Did he spend roughly 30 minutes preparing for that Coachella set? Very possible. But regardless, I fear Justin objectively has more artistry in his pinky finger than most of the boys currently fighting for the Gen Z pop prince title. The moment he appeared on that stage in a hoodie and sunglasses and sang the first few notes of “All I Can Take” in his signature heavenly tone, time stopped. Other Coachella performers shook in their (cowboy) boots. 33-year-old women were suddenly healed. They don’t make male pop supernovas like this anymore. All we get from men now is background music for grocery store self-checkout lines.
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Most of us hardcore fangirls would gladly stand in a desert all day and sacrifice half a paycheck to watch our childhood hero take a walk down memory lane via music videos that made us the women we are today. (Physically, I’m a grown woman sitting in my shoebox NYC apartment, but mentally, I’m still in that “Baby” bowling alley, admiring those culture-shifting purple sneakers.) And as so many Beliebers have already pointed out online, this man is the king of YouTube pop stars, so the YouTube of it all was actually a meaningful nod to his tween rise to stardom. I honestly thought the quick sing-alongs to “Baby,” “That Should Be Me” and “Never Say Never” were fun, tasteful fan service. And don’t even get me started on the 2007 Ne-Yo cover clip moment, which was like watching him do therapy in real time.
That said, we probably could’ve done without the recreation of memes like “double rainbow all the way” and “It’s not clocking to you that I’m standing on business” considering, ya know, it is Coachella. The coveted post-11pm slot at the iconic music festival is maybe not the time or place for doomscrolling. Perhaps we save those unserious bits for tour, should he ever embark on one for the Swag era… seems unlikely, but you never know.
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Another highlight of Justin’s set was the slew of goated special guests. Dijon came out for “Devotion,” Mk.gee played guitar for “Daisies,” Tems and Wizkid joined him on stage for “Essence,” and The Kid Laroi and Justin had a “Stay” dance party. We love a Coachella surprise appearance moment, and they all sounded phenomenal.
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As a Sabrina stan, I obviously ate up every second of her ambitious Broadway-style spectacle (no one’s doing it like that queen). I also found Justin’s no-frills set surprisingly intimate and effective in its own way. Now, would a female pop star like Sabrina receive the same generous feedback for a show with a YouTube karaoke segment and almost no production? That’s about as likely as a woman becoming president in this country.
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I know nuance is not a thing on the internet, but surely, these two truths can exist at once: Justin’s set was decent, and a female counterpart would never be able to do what he did and get praised for it, because the patriarchy is a bitch. (@Ariana Grande, if you ever wanna headline again and sing along to the “God Is a Woman and “Problem” music videos in a hoodie, you have my support.)
Discourse settled. To all the adult women out there calling out sick this week due to a Bieber Fever relapse, Godspeed.