Are Crushes Good For You? Because They Feel Like Shit

Ah, crushes. Sure, they can be very cutesy little infatuations that bring excitement to your life, or they can be soul-sucking obsessions that overtake your brain and your everyday existence. It really just depends.

We’ve all had crushes and experienced the gut-wrenching yet delicious feelings of lusting after someone who has no idea how we feel. And because we’ve all been there, we can all agree that sometimes crushes just feel like something that might not be the best for us. So, is having a crush bad for you?

“You don’t tend to really know the other person when you have a crush,” Terri Orbuch, PhD, “The Love Doctor,” and relationship expert with DatingAdvice.com tells Betches. “You may feel heightened energy, feelings of euphoria, and unstoppable strong attraction.” And the exciting part is that it can happen at any time in your life. Sure, people usually associate crushes with teenagers or young adults, but you can literally develop a crush at any point.

Crushes are ridiculously normal. But sometimes, the behavior we exhibit when we have a crush on someone… isn’t.

Do You Have A Crush Or Are You Low-Key Obsessed?

“A crush can veer into unhealthy territory when it begins to feel like an obsession,” Dr. Orbuch says. And there are usually telltale signs that your crush is quite literally ~crushing~ you. If you notice that thinking about this person is distracting you from important things in life like work, school, or other responsibilities, or if you notice that focusing on anything besides your crush is difficult. For example, you’re ditching activities you love (and people you love) so you can obsess over your crush, or you’re not functioning normally — eating or sleeping regularly — because of your thoughts about your crush; you might just be in dangerous territory.

Oh, and if you notice you’re missing out on real romantic opportunities for that hot guy you’ve been internet-stalking for months but never actually said three words to, odds are your crush might not be the healthiest.

When Does A Crush Become Unhealthy?

Sure, we’ve all gotten a little crazy over a crush before, but if you notice you’re acting strung out consistently, it can even allude to some unhealthy relationship patterns.

“In the unhealthy crush territory, sometimes the way someone obsesses over a crush (obsessive behaviors and thoughts) can be similar to have they might be in a relationship (obsessive behaviors and thoughts),” Dr. Orbuch explains. “People can become obsessive with a crush or a relationship partner (in a relationship) because of insecurities, low self-esteem, and the inability to trust.”

I like to think that having a devastating, all-consuming crush is a rite of passage. But like all of our crash-outs in life, they should be short and sweet. Yes, having a crush on someone can release all of the happy chemicals in our bodies (like dopamine and norepinephrine), but the key is to not stay in that stage for too long. Crushes are cute, but you know what’s cuter? Forming connections with someone who likes you back. So either step up and say something or keep it pushing because the longer you have a crush, the more unhinged you’ll become — just trust me on that one.