Topics: Advice, Dating, Movies, Relationships, Sex & Co.
If you’ve ever spent an embarrassing amount of time dissecting a text that just said, “lol,” I have some bad news: He’s just not that into you. And before you accuse me of being harsh, let me remind you that this is literally the title of a 2009 rom-com that should be required viewing for anyone dating in the modern age. Based on a self-help book that was based on a Sex and the City episode (yes, the wisdom pipeline is strong), the movie follows a group of people making every possible dating mistake in Baltimore.
There’s the woman who’s convinced a man will leave his wife for her. The girl who waits by the phone for a guy who’s definitely already forgotten her name. The longtime girlfriend who wants marriage, and the boyfriend who thinks that’s for suckers. And at the center of it all is the most brutal truth: If someone likes you, they’ll show it. If they don’t, you should stop making excuses and move on. In the words of the TikTok relationship warriors, if he wanted to, he would.
So let’s go through the most important lessons from He’s Just Not That Into You — and why you should actually follow them unless you want to be crying into your Seamless order at 1 a.m.
Sweet, delusional Gigi (played by Ginnifer Goodwin) spends most of the movie believing that men are just mysterious when they don’t call. But Justin Long’s character, Alex, sets her straight: If a guy wants to see you, he will find a way. If he’s not texting, he’s not overthinking things — he’s just not thinking about you at all.
IRL, this means you don’t need to craft a genius excuse to text him or “accidentally” bump into him at a bar across town. If he was into you, you wouldn’t have to.
Gigi, again (because she’s basically the human embodiment of every bad dating decision we’ve ever made), clings to rare stories of men suddenly changing for “the right girl” as if she’s starring in a Disney movie. But here’s the thing: Those girls are the exception, and betting on being the exception is like banking on winning the lottery instead of getting a job.
If a guy has a track record of ghosting, cheating, or “not wanting a relationship right now,” believe him. You’re not going to fix him.
This should be obvious, and yet here we are. Bradley Cooper’s character, Ben, cheats on his wife, Janine (Jennifer Connelly), with Anna (Scarlett Johansson). Surprise: It does not end well. Janine has a full-on mental breakdown, Ben loses both women, and Anna realizes she was just a side piece all along.
In conclusion: If he cheats, dump his ass. And if he’s willing to cheat on someone else with you? It will not end in your favor. You are not a rehab center for wayward men.
If ScarJo couldn’t get a man to leave his wife for her, what makes you think you can? Exactly.
Beth (Jennifer Aniston) wants to get married. Neil (Ben Affleck) does not. After a billion years together, she finally leaves because she realizes she wants someone who shares her values. And guess what? That’s when Neil realizes he does want to be with her and proposes.
Does this mean you should issue an ultimatum and hope for the best? No, because some men will absolutely just let you walk away. But if you’ve been waiting around for years for a guy to “come around” on something as big as marriage (or kids, or commitment in general), it’s probably time to move on.
If you find yourself needing to interpret a text with a full panel of your besties, just assume the worst. “I’m just really busy right now” means “I don’t care enough to make time for you.” “I’m bad at texting” means “I just don’t feel like texting you.” Mixed signals aren’t cute or romantic — they’re just a polite way of saying no.
We all cringed watching Gigi throw herself at Alex, convinced that a grand romantic gesture would work this time. Spoiler: It did not. Instead, he literally recoiled in horror when she showed up unannounced at his apartment.
Desperation is not a good look. If someone isn’t reciprocating, take the hint and maintain your dignity. Otherwise, you’re just embarrassing yourself and ruining a perfectly good Friday night.
At the end of the movie, Gigi does get the guy — but only after she stops chasing men who don’t like her and starts focusing on herself. Meanwhile, Beth realizes she doesn’t need a wedding to feel validated, and Anna finally ditches the married guy for good.
The real takeaway? The best relationships happen when you stop settling for people who don’t deserve you. So if you find yourself making excuses for someone’s shitty behavior, just remember: He’s (probably) just not that into you — and that’s his loss, babe.
