Choosing Violence By Ranking The ‘Severance’ Couples From Least To Most Toxic
Crazy, stupid love.
After watching the eighth episode of Severance season 2, I’ve been trying to think of something more toxic than Lumon’s factories, but the only thing that comes close to taking the cake is the twisted love triangles on the show. Like, what do you MEAN the heiress of the company impersonated her employee to smash her other employee on an impromptu work retreat? IDK who hurt the writers in that room, but I’m praying for them nightly from now on (and actually, call me).
Just when I thought love had to be dead under the wrath of Kier, things got hella lovey-dovey in Lumon land, and I’m not just talking about Mark S. I need a scientifically generated third eye so I can keep one on Dylan’s wife, one on Burt and his jealous husband Fields, and one on whatever TF is going on with Dr. Frankenstein and his captive Gemma.
Needless to say, it’s long overdue that I clock in to rank the most toxic relationships on season 2 of Severance.
Spoiler Alert: this article obviously contains major spoilers from season 2 of Severance, so go binge it already!
Severance Relationships And Love Triangles Breakdown
Mark And Gemma
Starting out wholesome AF, when it comes to Mark (as in Mark Scout, the outie) and his wife Gemma, I love their love. When Mark brought Gemma an ant farm because he thought it was a hobby of hers after one date… YEAH, they don’t have that on Hinge. He even was willing to stop the fertility process because he saw the toll it was taking on her. And, NGL, if I tragically died, I’d kind of want it to ruin my widowed husband’s life for a long time, too. No notes on these two!
Irving And Burt
What is the biggest tragedy of Irving and Burt’s innies effectively being killed, and why is that they’ll never lovingly ponder art together again? Like sure, innie Irving was actually there on a secret mission, but he found love in a hopeless place, and I want this kooky couple back, neow.
Mark S. And Helly R.
Our main character innies are ringing in third because while they’re for sure cute AF, you can’t forget they’re a classic enemies-to-lovers scenario, which means it could revert back to enemies at any time. Plus, I support Helly R. for controlling her sexuality, but the knee-jerk storage room sex in response to the devastating news she got about what her outie did to her? Not the healthiest choice, my love. BTW, maybe if they stop kissing so much, they’ll find Gemma! Damn.
Dylan And Gretchen
Dylan and Gretchen seem like a happy nuclear family and all, but clearly, they’re comfortable lying to each other (Dylan about his ability to provide for his fam and Gretchen about getting handsy with his innie, which, yes, we’ll get to). Not for nothing, why is Dylan getting an attitude just bc his wife checked on him after his millionth flopped interview? Get the milk and stop complaining, dude.
Burt And Fields
To be clear, I want to move in with Burt and Fields as their butler or something so I can have dinner parties with them every single night. But Fields is a little too jealous for my liking. He’s mad that a consciousness buried within his husband’s psyche that he can’t control fell in love with another basically imaginary person? Grow up, sweetie, we’re living in a dystopia!!
Devon And Ricken
Sorry, Dev, but your toxicity is questionable when you’re willing to tie yourself down to such a dud. I mean, after she pissed off Reghabi, I’m starting to understand her judgment isn’t always trustworthy, but still, as a strong, funny, smart, and bad bitch, I need to know why she would do charity by procreating with someone who does not get the greater it of life. I just know she rips him to shreds in her journal.
Gretchen And Dylan’s Innie
Gretchen… girl… what is you doing? Okay, fine, I get the urge to get freaky with someone who is both your husband and a stranger at the same time, especially because outie Dylan seems like a handful. But it is still (voluntary) cheating, and, mind you, innie Dylan is quietly unhinged himself. Imagine what these two would do if Mrs. Huang wasn’t watching?? SMH.
Harmony Cobel And Hampton
I hate to put Cobel so far up the toxic Totem pole because, frankly, I really think queen deserves to get some ATP. But I did IJBOL at her strained childhood situationship with a man that huffs gas being the tense episode’s (sort of) sexy come down. What did these two wily kiddos get into between a long day’s child labor at the factory and hiding from Sissy? I need to know expeditiously.
Helena Eagan And Mark S.
Helena, I would tell you what you look like after that treacherous move at the ORTBO, but you won’t like it. Her deception of Mark S. was more than trickery, and that’s why she’s the evilest Eagan on the block. I can’t lie, though; I was shaking from the palpable tension when Helena ambushed the man at the diner. Her black Widow-esque seduction of Mark, both severed and unsevered, all to one-up her innie? Diabolically toxic.
Gemma And Dr. Mauer
Does this even need explaining? Dr. Mauer and his stupid sweater had me sweating for 60 minutes straight. Like, why did I get a feeling that even the board was uncomfortable with how obsessed he is with Gemma? I know they made him come up with dozens of sick and twisted scenarios to torture her many innies, but I’m pretty sure he made them a happy couple at Christmas, all on his own. Free my girl, Gemma, she’s done nothing to deserve this!
Topics: Rankings, Relationships, TV
Marissa Dow