If you had asked me eight years ago, “Should I have sex on the first date?” I would have tossed whatever I was drinking across the room, grabbed you by the shoulders, and shaken you violently while screaming, “NO!!! ABSOLUTELY NOT!!! ARE YOU MAD?!?!?!?!”
I grew up with a weird relationship with sex that included my family’s vague commitment to Catholicism juxtaposed with my deep obsession with shows like Sex and the City. I’m old enough to have come up in a time when our patriarchal society made us believe that sex was something that men took and that women had to guard with their whole fucking chest. (Actually, on second thought, not much has changed, am I right?)
Also, and this is important, I dated *a lot* of shitbags. And the thing about shit bags is they’re going to act shitty — no matter whether you fuck them on the first date or the fifth date. But since so many of these shitbags would start to ghost post-coitus, I made the connection that sex = is the easiest way to get a guy to ghost. The answer to How to Lose A Guy in 10 Days? Have sex on the first date.
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But now that I’m a little bit older and only slightly wiser, my opinion on the matter has done a 180. I am now in the camp of “fuck on the first date!” And that’s not just because I’m mere months away from marrying a man with whom I did have sex on the first date. (Although that has definitely helped change my opinion.)
No, the reason I think you should fuck on the first date is because it will tell you *everything* you need to know about the person you’re getting ready to date. People always love to say that you can tell a lot about a person (usually men) based on how they treat their mom. IMO, that’s fucking weird! You can ACTUALLY tell a lot about a person by how they treat you after you fuck them early on. Do they like to cuddle? Or do they stare up at the ceiling with existential dread post-coitus? Do they call you the next day? Or do they text you in a week saying how busy they’ve been without committing to the next date?
Most importantly, though, it will tell you a lot about how YOU feel about a person, too. Have you ever been really into a person, only to realize how little you want to see them after you have sex with them? Yeah, that’s called lust, buddy. And it tends to really fog how we relate to people. Getting the physical intimacy out of the way early opens the door to more emotional intimacy, in my opinion. Plus, do you know how disappointing it is to build that emotional intimacy with someone only to realize that the sexual compatibility isn’t there? Brutal!
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Now, there is nuance, of course. I’m not advocating that you run out and fuck every single person you have a first date with. (Although if that’s your bag, who am I to judge?) But if you’ve had an incredible first date, and you’re horny AF, and neither of you is wasted, AND you’ve got protection on hand, I say go for it. Your gut will tell you whether or not it’s a good idea, so listen to that.
But yeah, please. Go forth. Fuck on the first date. Who knows?! You may wind up marrying them! Or, at the very least, you leave with a good story to tell your friends at brunch.
Maria Del Russo