We have come a really long way from stone and leather dildos. Sex toys now come in so many different shapes, sizes, and functions that whatever specifically horny mood you’re in while you’re masturbating, you can always find a toy that’s made just for that. And while it’s exciting to see all the different types of vibrating, flicking, and pumping contraptions we’ve created as humans, you’re probably not switching it up every time you go to town on yourself. Just like with colors, shoes, and exes — we all have a favorite. And our favorites can say a lot more about us than we think.
Sure, your sex toy of choice could easily be the result of whatever device is within reach whenever you reach over your nightstand, but I like to think that it’s much deeper than that. Whether you like more of a clitoral suction toy versus a more straightforward bullet, there are probably some intricate, psychological reasons behind why. And being the self-proclaimed sexpert that I am, I’m going to help you figure out what your g0-to sex toy says about you.
So, what do you reach for when you open the drawer in your nightstand?
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The Wand
Advert
You have owned the same pair of day-of-the-week underwear since your junior prom, and despite the wear and tears throughout the years, you’re loyal. You’re prepared for everything in life because you never stray from your routine. And when you’re traveling with friends, you’re the one that holds everyone’s passports.
Dildo
You don’t care for the frills or luxuries of this world. You know what it’s like to put in the work to get what you want, and you’ve overcome so many of life’s battles with pure grit and elbow grease. I’m so proud of you. I’m also so scared of you.
The Rabbit
Advert
Everything you do in your life is done with pleasure kept in mind. You take bites of food slowly with your eyes closed, revel at children playing on a playground, and contemplate Plato on walks around your neighborhood. You spend your days at the beach making friends with the specks of sand because you are them, and they are you.
The Bullet
You don’t have time to deal with any bullshit; in fact, you’re barely stopping to read this blurb. I wouldn’t be surprised if you use your bullet with a coffee in hand, all while asking Alexa to send a follow-up email to the CEO of the company you just acquired. Oh, and your manicures are always perfect.
Suction Toy
Advert
You do not beat around the bush (pun intended) about anything. You say what’s on your mind, and people respect the fuck out of you for it (but some of them also really hate you). You go after what makes you happy and don’t believe in “guilty pleasures” — you don’t feel guilty about what you love!
Butt Plug
You go skydiving sometimes just because you feel a lull in the week. You speed down 25mph in school zones, sleep with the door open, and see absolutely nothing wrong with quadruple texting your crush. You are way cooler than anyone you’ve ever met, and they know it.
Syeda Khaula Saad