‘The Bachelor’s Sydney Is My Middle School Nightmare

Deep breaths, girlies. If you’re feeling enormously triggered by The Bachelor’s Sydney, I am right there with you. After a lot of stressed-out reflection over the past few days, I’ve concluded that she is a classic case of being cast in the wrong TV show. This girl can deliver a scripted monologue like no one’s business. Why are we letting that raw talent go to waste? I’d say “reality” is not her strong suit, but give the betch a role in Euphoria or Emerald Fennell’s next movie, and we might just be looking at future Emmys and Oscars with her name on them.

In all seriousness, I’m trying to figure out how someone fabricates an entire storyline on this show when the women are being filmed 24/7. Like, I’m sure the producers would love it if all her accusations about Maria “torturing” her had any merit. After all, King Joey is a no-drama kinda dude (so boring), and there’s not a whole lot going on outside of Sydney’s inventions. Her level of delulu would be inspiring if it wasn’t giving tweenager in the worst way. Sydney is actually my middle school nightmare, and I’ll be sending my therapy bills to The Bachelor people.

Sydney’s Talent For Lying Gives Me Anxiety

Allow me to remind you how this craziness all started. Madina was feeling insecure about being on the older side of the contestants, and Maria, who is close in age to her, said to someone else, “She’s not even that old.” That’s the genesis of this completely insane Sydney and Maria saga. That one throwaway comment by Maria inspired Sydney to create a whole narrative about her being a “verbally abusive” bully. The vintage store owner repeatedly used the word “torture” to describe Maria’s behavior. Girl, be so for real. Is the torture in the room with us? Brb, gonna go agonize over my middle school bully’s false and cruel accusations about me.

Sydney Had A Master Plan To Climb The Bachelor Social Ladder

Image Credit: ABC

Think of Joey as the popular girl in this poetic Bachelor/middle school comparison. Sydney was ready to do whatever it took to be embraced by the queen bee-achlor. There was never any spark between her and Joey, which is probably why she tried to give herself an advantage by randomly attacking Maria. Speaking to the camera during her Malta date, Sydney had the audacity to say that Maria’s alleged actions were taking a toll on her body and giving her “stomach issues.” Please. She also emphasized during the episode that Maria should go home and didn’t hesitate to express that opinion to Joey. Meanwhile, she was strategically turning the girls against Maria, too. Textbook bullying!!

I’m Team Maria All The Way

Say what you want about Maria and her big personality, but she has my wholehearted support. Girlies who were *actually* bullied must stick together. Get that rose, girl! Somehow, this queen managed to maintain a positive attitude most of the time despite being Sydney’s target. She’s a woman on a mission, and I respect it. Feeling grateful that Joey’s head isn’t completely empty and he was able to see Blondie’s true colors after all. (He’s like, the nice popular girl.)